Your Personal Pronoun Etiquette Questions, Answered

How Do I Ask Someone What Pronouns They Use?

If you meet someone and they don't volunteer the information themselves, notice the pronouns their friends and loved ones use for them—odds are, that's what they would like you to use for them. "Someone who knows the person well will probably use the correct pronoun," says GLAAD.

If that isn't an option, volunteer your own to encourage them to share theirs. For example, "Hi, I'm Eileen and I use she/her pronouns. What pronouns do you use?"

What if I Don’t Know What Pronouns To Use for a Person?

If you don't know what pronouns to use for someone (and they're not there to ask), the safest option may be avoiding using pronouns by just using their name.

GLAAD also suggests using the pronouns that are consistent with the person's appearance and gender expression (for instance, if they wear dresses and go by the name Ella, she/her is probably safe), or using the singular "they."

What if I Make a Mistake When I’m Using Pronouns?

It happens—especially if it's someone you've known for a long time who changed pronouns. (For instance, if your cousin was born male and now identifies as female.)

The solution: Apologize. "If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun, apologize quickly and sincerely, correct your mistake, then move on," according to GLAAD. "The bigger deal you make out of the situation, the more uncomfortable it is for everyone."

Avoid misgendering a colleague repeatedly—as misgendering a person could be considered harassment in a workplace.

What Are Neopronouns?

Neopronouns include ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, and xe/xem. Most of them were created within the last century, according to Pronouns.org, a site dedicated to helping people understand personal pronouns and use them in an inclusive way.

While many people who use neopronouns may be nonbinary, they could also identify as male, female, or something else entirely.

Should I Share My Own Pronouns?

Even if you think it seems obvious what pronouns to use (for instance, if you're a cisgendered woman who goes by she/her), sharing your pronouns lets everyone know exactly how to address you—and perhaps more importantly, it helps everyone feel welcome.

"When cisgender people share their own pronouns in meetings, social situations, email signatures, etc., it creates an environment where transgender and non-binary people feel they can safely share their pronouns, too," GLAAD told Real Simple.

What Else Should I Consider?

You might want to think about other ways to make your language more inclusive. For instance, if you're addressing a group, rather than saying "ladies and gentlemen," try addressing them as "friends," "guests," or "colleagues." It's a small change that can make everyone feel welcomed.