Instead of seeing Match profiles through rose-colored glasses, know that if the guy doesn’t ignite a 200% surge in your heart, there’s probably not even a good coffee chat on the horizon. Here’s a starter list of the things that can be wrong with a guy’s match profile. Add your own!
Signs you should keep driving:
- too many pictures (self-centered)
- only one (something to hide)
- arms crossed (emotionally unavailable)
- sunglasses (ditto)
- no smile (bad or missing teeth)
- shirtless (no explanation needed)
- polo shirt (okay, that’s a personal trigger)
- standing by car
- with a woman whose face is blocked out (are you kidding me?!)
- with a woman whose face ISN’T blocked out
Here’s the part where I get humbled (cue your choice of Wilco riff). Last year I fell in love (and I remain in that state) with a wonderful person I found on Match. It was early winter—sweaters, flannel shirts (where is she going with this? Has she lost her mind?). Stay with me. Months later when the weather warmed up, I saw Mr. Wonderful emerge from his bedroom in… a polo shirt—one of many in his spring wardrobe, it turns out. I froze. My God, I thought. I almost missed him. If he had been wearing that in his profile picture, I would have passed him by. I’m an idiot. I’m a fool. I should be disbarred (I’m not a lawyer, but that’s what came to me). In my attempt to manage the difficult, vulnerable experience of looking for love online, I nearly shut myself off from the possibility of finding it. I guess somewhere between full armor (outlined above) and no-skin-with-nerve-endings-entirely-exposed (my natural state as a human being) is a sweet spot. A state in which we’re protected but receptive. And everyone has to locate that point on her own personal online dating tolerance matrix (ODTM—trademark pending). But I don’t know a human alive who couldn’t use some version of a bulletproof vest. As long as it has a tiny door over the heart, ready to swing open when the right eyes look back from the screen.