In fact, I hate the term “try again.” It’s like that quote: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. No, you didn’t fail, no it’s not your fault, no you won’t be better this time. When it first happened to us, we thought that we wanted to try right away, to get back to that joy-filled bliss that had been rocking our worlds while we were pregnant. We couldn’t imagine just going back to the two of us without dreaming of those sleepless nights, of the nursery, of those cute little shoes and bottles. Then once the dust had settled we really started to think if we were ready to throw ourselves back into the game.
I knew I would be robbed of fully enjoying a pregnancy early on. I’ll be plagued with doubts and fears that we will go back into the doctor and hear the words, “There is no heartbeat” again. The timing will look different for everyone. Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally and trust that you will know when the time is right, whether it’s a year from now or two months from now.
I stared at my phone the other day when an email popped in that said, “Congrats, your baby’s the size of a coconut.” I swear I’ve tried to unsubscribe from all things mommy, but somehow they still sneak through the cracks. I wanted a button that you could press saying, “Unsubscribe: I miscarried.” It’s this ridiculous limbo of feeling like it never even happened to you mixed with feeling like it’s still happening to you.
Miscarriage is taboo but I believe it shouldn’t be. I think the more I share, the more I process, the more I learn and the better I understand the struggles that so many are facing, from infertility and the loss of a child to adoption woes and broken relationships. There’s this piece in my heart that is missing and instead of trying to fill it with things of this world, I want to share it, in case a piece of yours is sitting vacant. The more I share, the more I realize I am not alone in this pain and loss.
A version of this originally appeared on jennakutcherblog.com. It has been condensed and edited for length and clarity.