The Best Parenting Advice

“When pregnant, focus on your baby, not your birthing plan. Are you raising a labor story, or are you raising a child? A safe delivery is all that matters.” —Jani Long, editor of the blog Tales of a Labor Nurse

“Don’t lock yourself into a babyish color palette, especially with your wall color. Choose a neutral, which doesn’t have to mean white or beige; it could be gray or navy. Then liven up the room with colorful bedding, curtains, and accessories. If you have your heart set on colorful walls, paint just one accent wall. It’s much easier to change and can have a big impact.” —Maxwell Ryan, CEO and founder of Apartment Therapy, a design website

“Encourage your kids to try things that seem hard, even if they’re afraid. As I always told my daughter, ‘Fear means go.’ ” —Ellen Galinsky, president of theFamilies and Work Institute  and author of Mind in the Making

“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.” —Betsy Brown Braun, child-development expert

“Don’t shelter your children from distressing news. Discuss it honestly and offer a small way they can help, keeping in mind what is appropriate for their age. If Grandma is sick, tell your kids how much it would mean to her if they spent extra time by her side.” —Liz Scott, co–executive director of Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation, a pediatric-cancer charity

“Clothes are one of the first ways that kids express themselves, so let her wear the mismatched shoes.” —Desiree Spinner, editor of Lapetitepeach.com, a children’s-fashion website

“If you can’t make a game, go to a practice.” —Brooke de Lench, author of Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports

“Kids go through sporting equipment faster than shoes. Instead of shelling out big bucks, check out a sports resale shop. They sell everything from baseball gear to Hula-Hoops.” —Terri Bennett, author of Do Your Part: A Practical Guide to Everyday Green Living

“After a game, resist the urge to analyze your child’s performance. Ask open-ended questions: ‘What do you think you did well today?’ ” —Jim Thompson, founder of the Positive Coaching Alliance

“There is no perfect food or meal. Accept that it’s unlikely that you’ll get your child’s diet totally right and you’ll free yourself from a lot of guilt. It’s more important to enjoy eating together than to eat ‘healthy’ all the time.” —Jill Castle, registered dietitian and coauthor of Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters From High Chair to High School

“Kids are expert hunter-gatherers, so use that impulse to encourage them to read labels. For instance, in the cereal aisle, set them loose looking for a cereal that has less than five grams of sugar per serving. Or in the cracker aisle, ask them to hunt down a box with ‘whole-wheat flour’ listed first.” —Susan Wasinger, author of Eco-Craft and organic-minded mom of two

“Keep your home rich in printed material. Reading not only boosts academic success but also awakens a person’s social and civic sense. Books change lives for the better.”
—Rebecca Mieliwocki, National Teacher of the Year in 2012

“When it comes to homework, rewards work much better than punishments. Instead of saying, ‘If you don’t finish your homework, you won’t get TV,’ try saying, ‘When you finish your homework, you can earn some TV time.’ ” —Neil McNerney, school counselor and author of Homework: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Out Without Freaking Out

“Your child’s teachers have earned every bagel breakfast, gift card, and thank-you note, but we as parents need to do something more substantive for them, too. Simply asking a teacher, ‘How can I help?’ may be enough to get the conversation going.” —Arne Duncan, U.S. secretary of education

“Let your kids get bored—it’s the essential ingredient of childhood. A kid won’t begin to use his imagination until he has to dig deep and create something from nothing.” —Melissa Bernstein, cofounder of Melissa & Doug toys

“A box of bandages can keep toddlers occupied on a plane. Stick them on seats, armrests, even Mom’s nose. You can also use them to teach preschoolers letter shapes (‘That’s a T’).” —Kara Williams, cofounder of TheVacationGals.com, a family travel blog

“Instead of toys that beep and glow, pick the kind your grandparents played with: blocks, balls, sticks. They nurture creativity and curiosity—more critical to a child’s success, in my opinion, than test scores.” —Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character

“When it gets really quiet, your instinct will be to rejoice. Don’t do it. For this is the moment during which you should be most concerned.” —Elizabeth Lyons, author, designer, and humorist

“Children will listen to you only after they feel that you’ve listened to them.” —Jane Nelsen, family counselor and author of Positive Discipline

“Say what you mean, and mean what you say.” —Jo Frost, host of TLC’s Family S.O.S. With Jo Frost and author of Jo Frost Toddler S.O.S.

“Make sure that you use the phrase ‘I understand’ with your kids.” —Jeff Kinney, author of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series.

“The immaturit y of toddlers’ left brains makes them act primitively, and when upset, they act even more uncivilized. Speaking ‘toddler-ese’ gets tots to settle down. When your toddler is upset, talk to him almost like you are talking to a little caveman. Instead of asking, ‘Did that doggie scare you?’ say, ‘Scared! Scared! Big doggie, go away!’ ” —Harvey Karp, pediatrician and author of The Happiest Baby’s Guide to Great Sleep

“Run errands together. You’ll teach economics, math, and a host of other skills.”—Andrew Zimmern, host of the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods America

“Kids can learn a lot from your financial habits. So the next time they ask for a video game, don’t say, ‘We can’t afford it.’ Instead say, ‘We need to save $2,000 for a trip, so we’re setting aside $200 a month. That’s four video games.’ ” —Stuart Ritter, senior financial planner with T. Rowe Price Investment Services

“Use kind words. Your example will sink in at some point!” —Elise McVeigh, owner of Mrs. McVeigh’s Manners camp

“Instead of making threats (‘If you’re not ready, I’m leaving without you’), offer a choice and a challenge: ‘We need to be out the door in five minutes. Can you do it in three?’ ” —Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

“Give yourself a moment of quiet self-reflection each day and make it visible, so your kids get the idea that regular quiet contemplation is a good practice.” —John Hunter, author of World Peace and Other Fourth-Grade Achievements

“Be a positive role model: Do your homework (like paying bills) when your kids do theirs.” —Kathy Jenkins, certified professional organizer and owner of Come to Order

“You can’t control your kids, but you can control your reaction to them. Sometimes. Taking a deep breath when you feel like yelling might help. And when it doesn’t, don’t beat yourself up over it. They probably deserved it.” —KJ Dell’Antonia, editor of the Motherlode blog at the New York Times website

“Don’t have difficult conversations between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. That’s often the highest-stress time for families. Since my family shifted hard talks to later in the evening, we’ve bickered less.” —Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families

“Curfew is easy! Have your teen set your alarm clock for the time that she’s due home. It’s then her responsibility to turn it off before it rings. No more waiting up. Sweet dreams!” —Lisa Jander, author of Dater’s Ed: The Instruction Manual for Parents

“Run adult problems by older kids. For example: ‘I’m not getting along with someone at work who keeps taking credit for my projects’ or ‘I’m supposed to go to a party and just don’t want to.’ Listen carefully. Their answers will blow you away.” —John Duffy, M.D., author of The Available Parent

“Commit the time to helping your teen become a safer, smarter driver. For kids under the age of 18, driver’s ed is mandatory in most states and well worth the money. But driver’s-ed programs give you an average of 25 to 30 hours of classroom time and about six hours of driving time, and they teach only basic car control, traffic regulations, and how to pass the exam. It takes 30 to 50 hours of behind-the-wheel experience to function well in basic traffic situations. After your kid has gone through driver’s ed, spend at least 50 to 100 hours supervising his driving.” —Timothy Smith, author of Crash-Proof Your Kids: Make Your Teen a Safer, Smarter Driver

“Never let a day go by without noticing new things your child does.” —Robert Cicco, Pennsylvania Pediatrician of the Year in 2012

“Don’t aim for perfection: You need to get it right only about 70 percent of the time. Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need educated parents who care.” —Julie Ross, executive director of Parenting Horizons 
  
“Play outside with your kids, even if your knee hurts.” —Judy Gold, actress and comedian

“Birthdays can be intense for little ones. Most kids love to be a part of the group, not put in the spotlight. So singing ‘Happy Birthday,’ with everyone staring, might be a bit too overwhelming. Give each child a cupcake with a single lit candle and have them all make a wish alongside the birthday boy or girl. It’s fun, and it takes the pressure off.” —Abby Larson, editor and founder of Stylemepretty.com and Smpliving.com

“Children have lots of interests, but pare them down to one or maybe two treasured activities per child. That extra time spent at the dinner table can pay off in establishing a lasting connection for the teen and early-adult years.” —Matt Devereaux, professor and child-development specialist at the University of Tennessee Extension’s department of family and consumer sciences