Skip to content

Top Navigation

Real Simple Logo Real Simple Logo
  • Food
  • Home
  • Life
  • Health
  • Money
  • Style and Beauty
  • Holidays & Entertaining
  • News
  • Shop

Profile Menu

Your Account

Account

  • My Account
  • Join Now
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Free Organizing App this link opens in a new tab
Login
Subscribe
Pin FB

Explore Real Simple

Real Simple Logo Real Simple Logo
  • Explore

    Explore

    • 7 Best Places to Buy Vegetable Seeds Online

      Because there's never been a better time to start a vegetable garden. Read More Next
    • 7 Must-Read Books by Black Authors

      Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and prepare to dive into a new title. Read More Next
    • A Guide for How to Measure Your Ring Size at Home

      There are three common ways you canĀ measureĀ your ring size right at home so you can finally get your ring measurement right, for good. Read More Next
  • Food

    Food

    See All Food

    9 Cheeses You Can Eat Even If You're Lactose Intolerant

    Not all dairy is created equal.Ā 
    • Recipes
    • Real Simple Cooking School
    • Cooking Tips & Techniques
    • Shopping and Storing
    • Kitchen Tools and Products
  • Home

    Home

    See All Home

    Easy Homemade Carpet Cleaners to Tackle Every Stain

    Made with products you probably have on hand
    • Organizing
    • Cleaning
    • Decorating
    • Gardening
    • Home Improvement
    • Quick Fix
    • Real Simple Home
  • Life

    Life

    See All Life

    10 Captivating Podcasts for the True Crime-Obsessed

    If you’re hungry for stories of true crime, download any of these podcasts to get your mystery fix on the move.
    • Family
    • Entertainment
    • Technology
    • Wedding Planning
    • Travel Ideas
    • Adulting
    • Get It Done
    • Waste Less, Live Better
  • Health

    Health

    See All Health

    30 Healthiest Foods to Eat Every Day

    • Preventive Health
    • Mental Health
    • Health Coach
    • Crisis Coping
    • Fitness & Exercise
    • Sleep
    • Healthy Eating
  • Money

    Money

    See All Money

    11 Small Ways You Can Help Stimulate the Economy

    Your dollars may be worth more than you realize.
    • Money Confidential Podcast
    • Saving Money
    • Money Made Simple
    • Spending
    • Money Etiquette
  • Style and Beauty

    Style and Beauty

    See All Style and Beauty
    • Clothing
    • Skincare
    • Shoes
    • Hair
    • Clothing Care
    • Makeup
  • Holidays & Entertaining

    Holidays & Entertaining

    See All Holidays & Entertaining

    PowerPoint Parties Are the Socially Distant Party Trend You Have to Try: Here’s How to Host One

    Presenting a new way to party together—virtually.
    • All Holidays
    • Easter
    • Gifts
    • Mother’s Day
    • Passover
    • Entertaining
    • Father’s Day
    • Home for the Holidays
    • Come Together
    • Hanukkah
    • Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Christmas
    • Valentine’s Day
  • News
  • Shop

Profile Menu

Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
Your Account

Account

  • My Account
  • Join Now
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Free Organizing App this link opens in a new tab
Login
Sweepstakes

Follow Us

  1. Real Simple
  2. Life
  3. Family
  4. Kids & Parenting
  5. Etiquette Guide to Kids’ Birthday Parties

Etiquette Guide to Kids’ Birthday Parties

By Real Simple
Updated July 02, 2018
Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team. If you make a purchase using the links included, we may earn commission.
Skip gallery slides
Save FB Tweet
Credit: American Images Inc/Getty Images
Follow this list of dos and don’ts to solve sticky situations that may arise when hosting or attending a kid’s birthday bash.
Start Slideshow

1 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Party Etiquette

Credit: American Images Inc/Getty Images

This article originally appeared on LearnVest.com.

Once your kids are old enough to spend time around other kids—whether it’s at classes, daycare or school—you can expect one thing to pop up like clockwork.

We’re talking about birthday party invitations … and they just keep coming and coming and coming.

You may think, Oh, kids’ parties are simple affairs. Balloons, cake, presents, done.

But there are actually plenty of money issues that arise regarding birthday parties, whether you’re hosting, or your kid is attending. Namely:

  • How much should you spend on gifts?
  • What’s the appropriate amount of money to spend on gift bags?
  • What should you do if someone gives your kid an inappropriately expensive present?


Because these are tricky issues, we decided to go right to the source. Here, Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and co-author of “The 18th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette,” answers your most pressing questions about kids’ birthday party etiquette.

1 of 14

Advertisement
Advertisement

2 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

If You’re Hosting a Party

Credit: Purestock/Getty Images

Should You Invite the Entire Class?

You’re not obligated to invite the entire classroom if that doesn’t work for your family. According to Post, many families follow the “age plus one” rule. For example, a party for a 4-year-old should have five attendees. Many schools even have set policies, like inviting half the class or less, or all of just one gender. If you’re not inviting everyone, it’s worth talking to your kid about discretion, says Post, and remind her that she should keep party talk to herself. And, if you’re planning to invite nearly the whole class, then you should invite everyone.

2 of 14

3 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Is It Appropriate to Send Invitations via Email or Evite?

Credit: Monica Buck

Though electronic invites can be convenient and budget-friendly, Post believes they lack one big benefit: They don’t allow your child to be part of the process. Opt for paper instead and you can let your child help pick out and write (or decorate, if he’s too young to write) the invitations. Feel free to use email to send out a party reminder.

3 of 14

Advertisement

4 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

How Should You Remind Guests to RSVP?

Credit: James Merrell

Make sure you give a date by which you want RSVPs, and a method or two to reach you (a phone number is best, says Post). Then, one week before the party, call any families you haven’t heard from and say, “I wanted to call to see if Johnny was going to be coming to the party. This is the time and date again. Please let me know—I’m just trying to get an accurate head count.” You’re not being pushy by giving a friendly reminder.

4 of 14

5 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Should You Open Presents at the Party?

Credit: Cheryl Zibisky

There are pros and cons. The benefits are that it’s good to teach your child about opening gifts and receiving graciously. Also, it’s wonderful for guests to see the joy and happiness their presents have brought. But little guests can get bored, and sometimes everyone wants to play with the new toy (which can get broken or lost).

If you do decide to open presents while guests are still there, it’s important to create order, says Post. Have everyone sit down and remind kids they’ll be getting their own party favors later. Once presents have been admired, hide them away with a, “We’ll have lots of fun playing with these later.” Note: Even if your child does open gifts in front of his friends, he should still send a thank you note later.

5 of 14

6 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

What Should You Do if Your Kid Receives an Expensive Gift?

Credit: Westend61/Getty Images

Receive gifts with the same spirit of generosity in which they were given, says Post. Be grateful, and don’t consider refusing the gift because it’s “too much.” Instead, explain to your child that she received a very special present, and be sure to have her personally thank the gift giver. When it comes time for that child’s birthday, don’t feel you have to reciprocate. Stick to your budget on presents, and don’t try to match gifts.

6 of 14

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

7 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Are Goody Bags a Must?

Credit: Bonita Cooke/Getty Images

“Goody bags were always a part of parties when I was growing up,” said Post. All the same, she says, they are not necessary, and giving them out depends on your party style. Sometimes the most meaningful takeaway is one you’ve made, like sending guests home with homemade muffins, or cupcake liners filled with candies or balloons.

7 of 14

8 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

If Your Child Is Attending a Party

Credit: Sigrid Olsson/Getty Images

How Much Should You Spend on a Child?

There is no right number, Post says, it’s about giving something special to acknowledge the child’s special day. Spend what is in your budget. If that’s $10 per gift per child, work with that, but also ask his mom about his interests so you know whatever you choose, he’ll love.

8 of 14

9 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Should Your Child Help You Pick Out the Present?

Credit: David Roth/Getty Images

Since your kid is going to know what the other child would like more than you might, go for it. Plus, it teaches her about giving to others. For younger children, you could ask questions about what their friend might enjoy. For example, try asking, “Does Susan like arts and crafts or playing with toy cars and trucks at school?” For kindergarteners and up, you can say, “We have $15 to buy Susan a present. What do you think she might like?”

If your kid is too young to understand, or is going through a “mine, mine, mine!” phase, then go pick out a gift without her and don’t worry about it!

9 of 14

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

10 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

What if You Can’t Afford a Present?

Credit: Greg Elms/Getty Images

One option is to call the hosting parents to let them know. You can say something like, “Store-bought birthday gifts are tough for us to purchase right now. We were thinking of baking Kelly’s favorite cookie. What does she love?” This lets the other mom know what to expect, and that you really care, without asking her what you should do. Of course, you also have the right to discuss the situation with your child and politely decline the invitation.

10 of 14

11 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

What if Your Child is Invited to a Party Where She’s Expected to Buy Something (Like a Costume or Admission to an Amusement Park), and You Can’t Afford it?

Credit: Yellow Dog Productions/Getty Images

You could DIY the needed costume yourself, which could be a great bonding project. If the party expenditure requires a specific dollar amount, it’s okay to decline the invitation and, instead, offer to have the child over a different time to celebrate over a homemade dinner, or with a small gift.

11 of 14

12 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

If You Have Two Kids, is it Okay to Bring the Sibling to the Party?

Credit: Floresco Productions/Getty Images

In general, it’s expected for a parent or caregiver to stick around during parties for infants and toddlers, says Post, and in our experience, even through preschool. After that, she suggests asking the host what they prefer.

If you have siblings to deal with, it’s inappropriate to ask if you can bring them along. Try to make other arrangements, or call the hosts and ask if they would be okay with you dropping your child off instead of staying. That also allows them to say, “Why don’t you bring the whole family?” Even if you’d only be bringing a newborn in a baby sling, Post says it’s still proper to call the host ahead of time to give her a heads up.

12 of 14

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

13 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

If Your Kid is Upset Because She Wasn’t Invited to a Birthday Party, What’s the Best Way to Talk About Her Feelings?

Credit: Andreas Brandt/Getty Images

If your child is not invited to a close friend’s party, it may be because that year the birthday child is only having a family party, a very small party, or only inviting friends from the soccer team, etc. Validate your child’s feelings of disappointment, and help her learn to be the bigger person. Suggest that she invite her friend over to play some other time.

13 of 14

14 of 14

Save FB Tweet
Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

If Your Child Can’t Make it to the Party, Do You Still Need to Get a Gift?

Credit: Lauren Burke/Getty Images

Unlike a wedding where you are obligated to send a present whether or not you attend, you don’t need to send a birthday gift if you can’t be there. You may choose to do so if it’s your child’s best friend or someone who bought your kid a gift, but it’s not required.

14 of 14

Replay gallery

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook

Up Next

By Real Simple

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook
Trending Videos
Advertisement
Skip slide summaries

Everything in This Slideshow

Advertisement

View All

1 of 14 Party Etiquette
2 of 14 If You’re Hosting a Party
3 of 14 Is It Appropriate to Send Invitations via Email or Evite?
4 of 14 How Should You Remind Guests to RSVP?
5 of 14 Should You Open Presents at the Party?
6 of 14 What Should You Do if Your Kid Receives an Expensive Gift?
7 of 14 Are Goody Bags a Must?
8 of 14 If Your Child Is Attending a Party
9 of 14 Should Your Child Help You Pick Out the Present?
10 of 14 What if You Can’t Afford a Present?
11 of 14 What if Your Child is Invited to a Party Where She’s Expected to Buy Something (Like a Costume or Admission to an Amusement Park), and You Can’t Afford it?
12 of 14 If You Have Two Kids, is it Okay to Bring the Sibling to the Party?
13 of 14 If Your Kid is Upset Because She Wasn’t Invited to a Birthday Party, What’s the Best Way to Talk About Her Feelings?
14 of 14 If Your Child Can’t Make it to the Party, Do You Still Need to Get a Gift?

Share options

Pinterest Mail Email iphone Send Text Message Print

Login

Shop | Real Simple Logo

  • Backpacks
  • Cameras
  • Diaper Bags
  • Food Storage
  • Strollers
  • Board Games
  • Coloring Books
  • Car Seats
  • Puzzles
  • Craft Kits
  • Shop More Next

Real Simple may receive compensation when you click through and purchase from links contained on this website.

Real Simple Logo

Magazines & More

Learn More

  • About Us
  • Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Media Kit
  • Content Licensing
  • Sitemap

Connect

Follow Us
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
Other Meredith Sites

Other Meredith Sites

  • 4 Your Health this link opens in a new tab
  • Allrecipes this link opens in a new tab
  • All People Quilt this link opens in a new tab
  • Better Homes & Gardens this link opens in a new tab
  • Bizrate Insights this link opens in a new tab
  • Bizrate Surveys this link opens in a new tab
  • Cooking Light this link opens in a new tab
  • Daily Paws this link opens in a new tab
  • EatingWell this link opens in a new tab
  • Eat This, Not That this link opens in a new tab
  • Entertainment Weekly this link opens in a new tab
  • Food & Wine this link opens in a new tab
  • Health this link opens in a new tab
  • Hello Giggles this link opens in a new tab
  • Instyle this link opens in a new tab
  • Martha Stewart this link opens in a new tab
  • Midwest Living this link opens in a new tab
  • More this link opens in a new tab
  • MyRecipes this link opens in a new tab
  • MyWedding this link opens in a new tab
  • My Food and Family this link opens in a new tab
  • MyLife this link opens in a new tab
  • Parenting this link opens in a new tab
  • Parents this link opens in a new tab
  • People this link opens in a new tab
  • People en EspaƱol this link opens in a new tab
  • Rachael Ray Magazine this link opens in a new tab
  • Ser Padres this link opens in a new tab
  • Shape this link opens in a new tab
  • Siempre Mujer this link opens in a new tab
  • Southern Living this link opens in a new tab
  • SwearBy this link opens in a new tab
  • Travel & Leisure this link opens in a new tab
All products and services featured are selected by our editors. Real Simple may receive compensation for some links to products and services in this email on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Real Simple is part of the Meredith Home Group. © Copyright 2021 Meredith Corporationthis link opens in a new tab. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab California Do Not Sellthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab
© Copyright . All rights reserved. Printed from https://www.realsimple.com

View image

Etiquette Guide to Kids’ Birthday Parties
this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines.