Funny Gifts for Men
You’ve bought him new sneakers, a backpack for work, sessions with a personal trainer, and all of the hair products and skin moisturizers that he says he doesn’t want but definitely, totally uses. Those gifts—practical, necessary—are like the protein gifts. And they’re great, and he probably wouldn’t buy them for himself. But this holiday season, he needs some refined sugar gifts. The things that are a little bit thrilling, a little bit silly, and completely unnecessary. But they’re fun. And they tend to make gift giving and gift receiving more fun. After all, how hilarious is it to watch him open a mug with a mustache guard? Or a Star Wars Death Star Waffle Maker? They may sound like gifts you’d wrap up for a White Elephant or Secret Santa exchange—and by all means, feel free to do so—but most of them are actually pretty useful, the things he didn’t know he needed but won’t be able to live without. Listen, these gifts are for him, yes, but a lot of them benefit you, too. (See: Hockey Stick Broom and Dude Wipes, which, trust us, really benefit you.) So while you are shopping for the necessities—we know, he hasn’t bought new boxer briefs in three years—stock up on some not-so-necessary gifts, too. Most of them aren’t just total gags; they have purposes that make life (his, yours, and your family’s) more joyful. It’s the holidays, after all. Let’s buy a little bit of joy.
Moustache Guard Mug
Never again shall the froth on his cappuccino or the whipped cream on his hot chocolate mar the fringe of his carefully crafted facial hair. This stately mug has a built-in ceramic guard—with a sipping hole—so he can drink without fear of foam. It claims to be modeled after a 19th-century design, but any modern mustached man will appreciate the craftsmanship. And you will appreciate not having to give the honey-you’ve-got-milk-on-the-corner-of-your-mustache motion during family breakfast with your parents. Even better: 10 percent of profits go charities for at-risk youth and men’s health.
To buy: $44 for a set of two, ahalife.com.
An iconic style of sunglasses just got a very helpful upgrade. These may look like standard wayfarers (read: flattering on almost anyone), but they can also open a cold one. Which means you never again have to panic—at the tailgate, the beach, the potluck picnic—that you brought non-twist-off beers (or bottled seltzers) and forgot the opener. You don’t even have to get up from the back deck and walk to the kitchen. The guy in the sunglasses has you covered! Plus the glasses are the real deal: classic black, polarized, and with UVA and UVB protection.
To buy: $30, uncommongoods.com.
Chick Magnet Needlepoint Cufflinks
Who says fancy dress can’t be a whole lot of fun? We know quite a few college-age men who would be, um, drawn to these crafty cufflinks. Ok, let’s be honest, any age man would find these pretty hilarious. The wink-wink pun is illustrated in hand-stitched needlepoint with silver-plated backs, so the cufflinks look both classic and subtle, even with their hidden message. If you’ve got a man in your life reluctant to wear a French cuff or put on a tuxedo, maybe these will add a little incentive. Note: female attention is definitely not guaranteed.
To buy: $55, cufflinks.com.
Sorry Not Sorry Sticky Notes
“I bought ice cream along with the diapers.” “I watched The Americans without you.” “I drank the last Blue Moon.” “I went to bed already.” Whatever it is your significant other, favorite brother, teenage son, or roommate is trying to tell you, this is the notepad to use. A three-by-three-inch piece of paper may not soften the blow of bad news (the last Blue Moon? Really?), but it helps. Buy this for every serial offender in your life, from the spouse who makes pasta when you request burgers to the child who borrows your car and brings it back with a weird bumper sticker. Then try to forgive and forget.
To buy: $4, knockknockstuff.com.
Hockey Stick Broom
He shoots, he scores, he cleans! This sporty broom is heavy duty, with thick bristles that can sweep away everything from breakfast messes to snow on the front steps. The handle is made from reclaimed hockey sticks—so no two are alike (unfortunately, you can’t choose a particular, favorite team)—and is 40 inches long, high enough for extra-tall helpers (good luck wrapping it—though we might be able to help with that). It’s a great gift for any hockey-loving man, woman, or child living on his own. It’s time to give a puck about cleaning, guys. This should help.
To buy: $38, uncommongoods.com.
Star Wars Death Star Waffle Maker
Maybe if Darth Vader had homemade waffles in the shape of the Death Star every morning, he might have changed his nefarious ways. Because how can you be evil with a belly full of Star Wars waffles? This kitschy kitchen tool is made for back-to-school mornings, birthday breakfasts, twists on dessert (add ice cream!) and lazy Saturday brunches. Kids and parents alike will love this; it’s perfectly sized (7 inches round) to fit on a plate and has plenty of holes for butter or syrup. If you burn it, don’t worry. We hear some people like the dark sides.
To buy: $40, thinkgeek.com.
The subtitle of this game is “The totally ?$#*@%! up party game,” which means: it’s for adults only, and it’s a whole lot of fun. The gist: One person each round takes two cards with completely innocuous words and creates a phrase. Players then have to come up with definitions of that phrase which they use in a sentence. The leader chooses the winner. This would make a fun group activity on Christmas night—after the kids have gone to bed—or a great party game on New Year’s Eve. Want to know some of the questionable phrases that might be created? You’ll have to play to find out.
To buy: $15, amazon.com.
Milk and Cookies Dunk and Drink Set
Any guy worth his sweet tooth will appreciate this platter-cup combo. Because who wants to reach across the table to dunk his cookies when he could have a glass of cold milk right in the center of the plate? The smooth indentations keep cookies from sliding around, and the special 8-ounce glass—with a wide mouth designed for easy dunking—stays put while you hold the plate from the thumb groove. It’s an all-in-one dessert tray ideal for snacking on the couch. P.S. no one says this can’t be used for a healthy serving of wine and cheese instead.
To buy: $28, uncommongoods.com.
That’s loosely translated to “a regular canned beer made to look like an Oktoberfest pewter mug.” Trust us, we speak German. This ornate “stein” holds any standard 12-ounce can of beer and makes it look much, much fancier. Turn any beer into a classy German import. Bud Lite-in-Stein? Sure. PBR-in-stein? Absolutely. The top hinges open easily with a thumb lever, so you drink straight out of the can with ease. Worried about it weighing you down? It only looks like solid pewter; it’s resin. Buy a set for Oktoberfest partying or to go along with those lederhosen you bought him last year.
To buy: $11, amazon.com.
Finger Breakdancing Boom Box Kit
Some guys love to breakdance. Some guys used to breakdance but are too old to spin on their heads anymore. For both of those guys, there are these funky finger puppet breakdance feet, ready to go wherever your index finger leads. Stick on the fly white sneakers, turn on the beat from the (teeny tiny) boom box, spread out the coaster-sized piece of cardboard, and bust a miniature move. He can entertain coworkers when he needs a break or make his kids laugh hysterically during dinner. There’s even an instructional manual to teach him new tricks.
To buy: $10, urbanoutfitters.com.
I Love You But These Are MY Fries T-shirt
Admit it, you’re a fry stealer. And a just-a-sip-of-his-cocktail stealer. And probably a nacho stealer, too. We get it. Sometimes the temptation is simply too strong and, anyway, you don’t want a whole plate to yourself. You just want one! Or four! But still: This T-shirt is the perfect mea culpa for all those tasty things you’ve sneaked off of his plate while he wasn’t looking. Buy it for your significant other so that he doesn’t have to say he loves you, but hands off. Again. Next time, he can just point to the boldface type.
To buy: $12, geekdownapparel.etsy.com.
Think of these as baby wipes for men. We’re not saying men can act like babies. What? Who said that? No one said that. We said these are like baby wipes for men. In all seriousness, sometimes a guy could use a wet wipe, whether it’s to quickly freshen up after a day at work, clean up after a messy marinara lunch, or help out in the bathroom. Hey, sometimes toilet paper isn’t quite enough. These wipes are about 6 by 8 inches and completely flushable, so once your dude is squeaky clean, there’s no evidence left, um, behind.
To buy: $14, amazon.com.
Animal Head Ceramic Shot Glasses
These guys are a far cry from the neon shot glasses he collected over spring break in college. Why not match his maturity and creative cocktail making skills with a set that looks sophisticated? When they’re not in use, these glasses sit upside down and look like objects d’art—a glossy black ceramic moose, ram, rhino, and bear. When they’re full of liquor, they sit steady on their respective horns. How civilized is that? Each animal head can also double as a cover for a liquor bottle. But we think they would look sharp lined up on a bookshelf in the living room or office.
To buy: $17 for four, wayfair.com.
Emoji Golf Balls
Ok, these aren’t going to fly on the PGA Tour. But what guy hasn’t gone all heart-eyed when he hits the middle of the fairway? Or taps the pin with his second shot on a par 3? Or cried laughing when his buddy drove the ball straight into the water hazard? These practice balls are made for a relaxing day on the course, but they’d also be a great gift for a golf-loving grandfather who doesn’t know his emojis from his eight iron. At least the bright yellow color will be a cinch to see in the grass.
To buy: $15 for 12, amazon.com.
I Like You a Waffle Lot Candle
You butter believe we love a good food pun, and there’s a brunch out there, but we think this one is batter than most. Ok, it’s a candle that smells like waffles, so what’s not to love? We think waffles are at the top of the breakfast baked goods pyramid—mostly because it’s acceptable to cover them in whipped cream. Handmade in Pennsylvania, this soy candle is all natural and vegan and has a vanilla-maple syrup scent that’s warm and comforting. Burn it in the morning to lure sleepyheads out of bed or fill a guest bathroom with this mouth-watering smell. It’s a sweet gift for the one you love.
To buy: $14, candelles.etsy.com.
‘Beer Snob’ Glass
If he really knows and loves his craft beers (and maybe even likes to brew his own at home), tease him with this 16-ounce glass by Kansas City-based design studio Easy Tiger. Shaped like a can and emblazoned with the gilded phrase “Beer Snob,” it’s no fancy tasting glass. But chances are he’ll trade in that old pint glass, and this will become his go-to cup for enjoying an after-work drink on the couch. Want to really wow him this year? Gift it with a six-pack of his favorite brew (some stores even let you mix and match to create a tasting flight).
To buy: Two for $24, fab.com.
A welcome distraction from that mountain of paper piling up on his desk, this mini tabletop basketball game will provide a much-needed breather that’s superior to a walk to the water cooler. The game, which is just shy of 14 inches long and 6 inches wide, will also be a slam-dunk for team building at office happy hours or holiday parties. With three different hoop heights to choose from, he can adjust the level according to his shot skills. A fair warning: An automatic ball return makes it hard to give up the game and get back to those reports.
To buy: $35, uncommongoods.com.
D-Scope Pro Google 3D Virtual Reality Cardboard Kit
Is he not quite an early adopter, but still interested in the latest tech gadgets? Rather than invest in a shiny, new (and expensive) virtual reality headset, treat him to the same experience in a more disposable fashion. He might not want to leave the house wearing cardboard goggles, but this fun and functional version will certainly help him test the waters. Though it’s made of just cardboard, it safely cradles his phone to transform it into a masterful cinematic experience. Just place your device (fully compatible with Nexus 4/5, Moto X, and Galaxy S4/S5/S6; partially compatible with HTC One, Moto G, iPhone 5/5c/5s/6 inside the projector, adjust, and enjoy the show.
To buy: $12, amazon.com.
Chemist’s Cocktail Kit
Let him unleash his inner nerd (or mad scientist) with a cocktail kit that’s inspired by a chemist’s lab. The set comes with a graduated Erlenmeyer flask decanter (17 ounces), six graduated test tubes (1.7 ounces), a glass stirring rod, and a stainless steel cocktail shaker complete with a strainer (10.8 ounces), all nestled in a powder-coated steel rack. With the right booze, he’ll brew up fun cocktail concoctions to serve in the test tubes. Pair the gift with a book about brewing craft cocktails (may we suggest this one?) to help him get his experiments underway.
To buy: For a similar product, $20, go to amazon.com.
Men’s Society Beard Grooming Kit
If he insists on sticking with the beard, help him keep it tidy and trimmed with this grooming kit. The pocket-size tin, which measures just over four inches long and three inches wide, comes with everything he’ll need for daily maintenance in one convenient place. The set includes mustache wax for extra hold and style, natural beard oil to soothe any irritation and add a touch of fragrance, stainless steel grooming scissors to snip straggles, and a stainless steel mustache comb to keep those fine hairs in place. The compact shape means it’s easy to bring on trips, too.
To buy: For a similar product, $19, go to papersource.com.
The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray
For the guy who likes to think he’s the president of the Bill Murray fan club, this will be his most prized possession. This paperback is a compendium of information (dare we call it advice?) for mastering adulting: finding your first apartment (or, rather, cohabitating with your parents), writing the perfect resume, and building a grown-up wardrobe. Also peppered in, a comprehensive history of the famous guy who brought us laughs on Saturday Night Live, Ghostbusters, and just about every Wes Anderson film. If he carries his book around long enough, maybe he’ll finally be the lucky recipient of a Bill Murray photobomb.
To buy: $15, amazon.com.
Fast Food Sock Pack
If he’s not afraid of taking fashion risks, put some funny flair on his feet with these bold socks. There’s a zany pick for every day of the week—pizza, tacos, bacon and eggs, hot dogs, and burgers—all in colors that match his wardrobe—navy, black, gray, and teal—so he can pay homage to his favorite junk food without straying too far out of sartorial bounds. May we suggest the taco pattern be dedicated only to celebrating Taco Tuesdays? For the health nut, choose from 19 other packs—you’re bound to find one that’s just right for him.
To buy: $10, ties.com.
‘You Earned It’ Bottle Opener
This standout solid brass bottle opener is a much-needed addition to his home bar. The sturdy piece is both elegant and masculine at the same time, while boasting the cheeky phrase “You Earned It.” Everyone knows how hard he works, putting in long hours at the office. And though you may tell him how proud you are of him on a daily basis, we still think he’ll get a kick out of getting affirmation for a job well done from every post-work beer. A set of matching premium leather coasters—available in either tan or black—completes the package.
To buy: $29, owenandfred.com.
Gentlemen’s Hardware Credit Card Tool
This on-the-go “toolbox” is as compact as it gets. The all-in-one tool—a flat brass-colored piece of stainless steel—functions as a can opener, knife blade, screwdriver, ruler, bottle opener, position wrench, butterfly wrench, saw blade, two-position wrench, direction ancillary indication, and lanyard hole. When the job is a dirty one, simply wipe it clean with a damp cloth. Since it all fits in one little tin, he can easily stash the essentials in his pocket, briefcase, glove compartment, or carry-on suitcase. Gift two—one to keep at home and one to take with him, wherever he may go.
To buy: $20, amazon.com.