How to Stop Fighting Over Money

One of You Is a “Secret Spender”

Why you fight: This is sometimes known as “financial infidelity.” It may be that one of you isn’t used to being accountable for your spending habits, or that you fear the reaction of your partner. But when your secret shopping sprees or piles of debt are discovered, your partner will feel betrayed, and you will be on the hot seat.

How to stop: If you’re already deep into your relationship when this pattern of behavior is revealed, there are several ways to handle it. Create a separate bank account for the spender and give him or her a fixed amount of spending money each month, or, if the situation is dire, enlist the help of a counselor to find out why the shopper feels the need to keep secrets.

The bottom line: The easiest way to avoid this fight is to have an open discussion about your spending habits before you ever merge your finances. If you’re already in the relationship, focus the conversation on the importance of trust.