10 Life Skills Your Mother Never Taught You

How to Bounce Back from a Crisis

We all know we need friends and family when we’re in trouble. But true support means more than just a reliable pair of arms to run to. It may be most beneficial to tap different kinds of friends at different stages of a crisis, Lerner says, so take a moment to think about your network, even when strategy feels like the last thing you can manage. When you’re reeling with the initial pain, she advises, “talk to someone who believes in your future and can listen to you without needing to ‘fix it.’ ” At the problem-solving stage, turn to the organized, analytical person who can help you break the solution into bite-size pieces. And if time has passed and you suspect you’ve begun wallowing in a private Pit of Doom, call the tough-love friend who will tell you to get over it.

Finally, “don’t feel bad about feeling bad,” says Boorstein. “I had a friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and she thought, Maybe I would be meeting this situation with more equanimity if only I had meditated more. I told her, ‘You should feel bad. You’re dying.’ ” We cause ourselves more suffering, she adds, when we tell ourselves that things shouldn’t be happening. “The truth is, there are wonderful things that happen in this life, and there are really sorrowful things,” she says. “Life is like that. You win a few, you lose a few. You can’t cry over spilled milk.” Actually, your mother did tell you that.