Toward a More Perfect Union

Meet four couples who faced serious struggles in their marriages—and emerged stronger and happier in the end. 

 

Akilah and Kris Richards
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Married eight years

See a photo of this couple.

 

When Akilah and Kris became friends in the 10th grade, she was the extroverted captain of the cheerleading squad and the student-government vice president. He was a precocious student (he had skipped a grade) and a serious artist who preferred drawing to, well, people. Still, they clicked. “I liked that Kris was really laid-back,” says Akilah, 33, “and he appreciated my big personality.”

She and Kris, 32, lost touch after graduation but reconnected through an old pal four years later. Their friendship picked up where it had left off and slowly evolved into something more. “After one phone call, in which we joked about the typical day of a married couple, I knew he would be my husband,” Akilah recalls.

Problems started shortly after their 2002 marriage. They bickered over everything, from Kris’s habit of leaving his shoes in the front hallway to how often the home office should be cleaned. (The couple jointly own their own businesses.) A slight difference of opinion would leave them fuming for days. “We’d high-five each other if we could go three days without a fight,” Akilah admits.

The qualities the couple once prized in each other—Akilah’s verve and attitude, Kris’s easygoing manner—were now sources of irritation. When faced with a problem, Akilah preferred to lay everything out on the table, while Kris, who hates conflict, would try to drop the subject. “Now I realize avoiding the issue just made everything get worse,” he says.

All that pent-up frustration was bound to explode—and it did, on one wintry evening in December 2009. Akilah and Kris had taken their two daughters to a Kwanzaa celebration. When their five-year-old, Marley, climbed onto the stage during a performance, Kris was appalled by her behavior and gave her a stern dressing down. Akilah thought he was overreacting and angrily told him so. Kris withdrew coldly. The pair drove home in sullen silence, put Marley and her younger sister, Sage, three, to bed, and once again began to fight.