It might sound like a cliché, but Pillemer finds constant communication is the key to a lasting relationship. Before you get married, discuss your values and make sure they’re compatible. Don’t just talk about if you want to have kids—discuss how you will raise them. Talk about money—how you plan to afford things and when you want to retire. Then, once you’re married, communicate when you’re happy and unhappy, what feels good and what doesn’t, what turns you on and off. Don’t make excuses that you’re the “strong silent type.” Those people are in long-term relationships, too. But they learned how to talk about their emotions.