Outrageous Kids’ Quotes


You’ll laugh until you cry… or just cry, if it’s your child.

Photo by Stephanie Rausser

“Is it time for me to get in my cage?”
Thomas, age 2 (shouted in public, referring to his crib)

“Mister, you should say, ‘Excuse me—I tooted.’ ”
Addison, age 3 (said to a stranger who passed gas)

“Mom, look! It’s Shrek!”
Hugo, age 4 (shouted across a crowded swimming pool while pointing at a bald man)

“My parents won’t have any more babies. My dad had that sperm thing done.”
Adam, age 10

“Why do these ladies have such long boobs?”
Louise, age 2 (said while walking through the YMCA dressing room)

“I have to turn five so that I can grow up and become a mommy and yell at people.”
Molly, age 4

“Would you like some more Pinot Grigio?”
Elle, age 5 (said to Grandma during a play tea party, much to the horror of Elle’s mother)

“I don’t like public pools, only the heated saline one in my East Hampton backyard.”
Harry, age 5

“Look—a pirate!”
Drew, age 3 (said in front of an elderly man with an eye patch)