Dealing With Your In-Laws

If They Give Unsolicited Child-Care Advice...

Listen to what they have to say. If your in-laws always offer unsolicited advice on how to raise your children, "The best response is 'That's a good idea.' That way, you and your husband aren't committing," says Pauline Wallin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania. "On the other hand, you shouldn't automatically reject advice just because it's from your in-laws." They may have a wealth of knowledge to offer (after all, they raised the man you love). Consider how the advice would sound if it came from your best friend.
 
You might also stave off trouble by asking for advice, even if you don't necessarily intend to follow it. Most likely, your in-laws just want to feel involved. In any case, "politely ask that when they offer advice, they express it as an opinion, not as criticism, which undermines the role of the parents," say Bob Murray, Ph.D., a psychologist, and Alicia Fortinberry, a psychotherapist, coauthors of Raising an Optimistic Child (McGraw-Hill, $15, amazon.com).