How Do I Tell an Infertile Friend I’m Pregnant?

Q: What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility know that you are pregnant?
Hannah Murray
Portland, Oregon
 
A: Having been on both sides of this situation, I can say it’s one of the hardest, for everyone involved. On the one hand, when you’re struggling to get pregnant, the last thing you need is to be reminded how damned easy it is (or at least seems) for other people to get pregnant. On the other hand, dealing with infertility can be isolating, and the feeling that friends might be withholding information in an effort to protect you can make that sense of loneliness even worse. So don’t hide your news from her, but preface it by saying, “I’ve been struggling with how to tell you this, because I know what you’ve been going through.…” Then cut to the chase. After you’ve shared your news, it’s hard to say how your friend will react. She might be fine with it or have a lot of questions for you, or she might suddenly have to take another call. Remember―however she reacts, you didn’t do anything wrong. Hopefully, in time, she’ll be able to join you in your happiness, whether or not she has a baby of her own.

—Julie Rottenberg