In This Era of Flu-Phobia, Is It OK to Cancel Plans With Sick Friends?

I’ve decided there are two kinds of people in the world: those who are germ-obsessed and those who aren’t. If you’re not sure which group you’re in, then you’re in the nonobsessed group, because the fact that you’ve never given it much thought means you’re―tada!―a non-germ-phobe (NGP). Take that from me, a card-carrying germ-phobe (GP). But members of both groups would be wise to read on, because now that “H1N1” and “flu pandemic” have become a part of everyday conversation, the GPs and the NGPs are engaged in a treacherous, if passive-aggressive, war. Case in point: I recently took my 20-month-old toddler to meet a friend and her toddler at their house. The minute we arrived, the mother said, “Oh, full disclosure―Treena’s got a little cold.” Now, some people might say that constitutes an advance warning. But to my mind, full disclosure applies only if it’s offered when there’s still a chance to cancel the plans. By the time my friend made her announcement, our kids were already smooching on the lips and licking each other’s sippy cups.
 
On another occasion, a friend called a few hours before we were supposed to get together and said, “Just wanted to let you know that I have a cold. I’m up for getting together, but I thought it should be your call.” I found this equally irritating in its own way. Why should the onus be on me to cancel the plans if she’s the one who’s sick? I say: If you think you’re contagious, step up and cancel your engagements. Or if you’re sure you’re not contagious (be honest!), stick with your plans and let the germs fall where they may. As for friends or work colleagues who see no problem mingling when they’re clearly as sick as dogs, the only thing you can do is excommunicate them. (Kidding! Just a little GP humor.) But, seriously, if you’re supposed to meet with someone who is sick, it’s fine to say that you would rather reschedule. If more of us GPs spoke out, the NGPs might get the message that it’s downright inconsiderate to leave their houses when they’re hacking and sneezing. Bottom line: To all you NGPs, don’t take the GPs’ behavior personally. I realize it’s no fun to feel like a leper when you’re sick, but remember: It’s not about you; it has no bearing on anyone’s perception of your personal hygiene or how much you’re loved. And to you GPs, while I fully support canceling plans with sick friends, remember that you can control the universe only so much. In fact, some people would argue that stressing out all the time can put you at greater risk of getting sick. (GPs hate hearing this; it only stresses us out more.) At a certain point, you have to throw up your overly Purelled hands and just enjoy life.
 
 Read more of Julie’s answers to your etiquette conundrums.