Thanksgiving Cheat Sheet
Previous 2 of 3 Next

Prevent Family Feuds

How to manage difficult personalities, from busybodies to "constructive" criticizers

Prevent Family Feuds
Annie Schlechter
 Print  E-mail
 
Average Rating:  Unrated
Read Reviews of This Solution
Rate & Review This Solution
The Passive-Aggressor
Often Heard Saying: "Whatever you think is best."
The Offense: Follows every shred of opinion with a question mark. Knows what she wants but tells you after the fact.
Your Course of Action: "This person is wounded because you haven't been able to read her mind," says psychologist Barry Greenwald. Her behavior is a subtle manipulative device that she is probably totally unaware of. Get past the after-the-fact guilt and ask her to be clear the next time. Say something along the lines of "If you let me know next year what kind of pie you prefer, I'll put it on the menu."

The Oversharer
Often Heard Saying: "The doctor doesn't know what it is, but it itches like a mother...want to see?"
The Offense: Passes around gory details like so many candied yams. Doesn't know what is appropriate table talk.
Your Course of Action: "Often this person makes many social blunders and believes people want to know what he has been through," Greenwald says. Gently change the subject. Author Caroline Tiger suggests offering a related topic, such as "I hear sciatica can be very uncomfortable — especially when you're pregnant. Grace, when is your daughter-in-law due?"

The Whiner
Often Heard Saying: "Help! My string beans are touching the gravy!"
The Offense: Makes it known that nothing is right — or as good as it was in December 1984. Complains about everything from the fork tines to the figgy pudding.
Your Course of Action: "Most malcontents are not a threat and don't require you to do anything but continue being your usual friendly and polite self," says etiquette consultant Sue Fox. They play the victim role as a way to get attention. Disregard their attempts to get you to share their foul mood, she advises.

The Bully
Often Heard Saying: "Everyone knows you got the beauty and your brother got the brains."
The Offense: Doesn't pick on people his own size. Hurts others' feelings.
Your Course of Action: The bully uses mockery as a way of connecting with others. Don't play his game — he probably has an arsenal of experience dating back to his days of milk-money thievery. But do stand up for yourself, and don't back down. Fox suggests using humor to make light of his seriousness: "And you obviously got the charm."

The Busybody
Often Heard Saying: "Got a bun in the oven yet?"
The Offense: Annually asks when you are going to get a man, get married, get pregnant, or get a life.
Your Course of Action: The busybody wants to feel superior to you by making you feel insecure. In response to her nosy inquiries, ask politely why she is asking — and smile, advises Fox. This usually embarrasses the busybody enough to make her drop the question. Sarcasm also works, says Tiger. Simply look aghast, pause, and reply, "Oh, my gosh, I forgot!" Then move on.
Previous 2 of 3 Next
Related Solutions

Advertisement

Real Simple Weddings Guide

Get month-by-month checklists, inspiring photos, etiquette answers, and more

New Year, New You Sweepstakes

Start the year fresh with a makeover. Enter to win a trip to Los Angeles and $3,000 in spending money

Advertisement