Nosy Question: How Much Do You Weigh?

How to Respond: "Enough" or "I don't know — whenever I step on the scale, it says, 'Perfect,'" suggests Claudia Michelle Wallace, a comedian with Chicago's Second City. Or try responding in a cleverly vague way: "The British would say I weigh nine stone" or "One and a half Mary Kate Olsens."

How to Ask: Don't. The only people who have a legitimate reason for asking this question are doctors, your personal trainer, and the amusement-park carny who runs the Guess Your Weight game (but even he shouldn't ask, since he’s supposed to be guessing).