Anger Style: Explosive

What It Looks Like: “If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I’m leaving you!” It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover.

Why You Might Do It: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get their way — at least in the short term.

The Damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously, so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh things that you later regret.

How to Turn It Around

Wait it out. “Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds,” says Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D., an anger-management specialist in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a coauthor of Letting Go of Anger (New Harbinger, $16, www.amazon.com). Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Mentally recite the Pledge of Allegiance or count to 10 and see if the urge to explode has diminished.

Own your emotions. A simple rephrasing of your feelings can help you feel more in control. “I’m really upset by your behavior” is much more effective and empowering than %#*&@! For more tips on handling your anger in the heat of the moment, consult How to Deal with Anger Gracefully.

Anger Style: Sarcasm

What It Looks Like: “It’s OK that you’re late. I had time to read the menu — 40 times.” You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile.

Why You Might Do It: You were probably raised to believe that expressing negative emotions directly isn’t OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get mad, it’s their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can’t people take a joke?

The Damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage your relationships. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word sarkazein, meaning “to tear flesh like dogs.” Ouch.

How to Turn It Around

Give it to them straight. “Sarcasm is passive-aggressive communication,” explains counselor Carlos R. Todd. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a tardy friend, say, after you’re seated, “I wish you would try to be on time, especially when you know we have limited time.”

Be firm and clear. This is especially true with children, to whom a gentle “Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable” sends a much clearer message than the snarky “Don’t worry — we just happen to have $2,000 set aside for a new sofa.”

Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness prior to arriving at your personal breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from popping out.