Self-Written

Who Should Choose Them: Brides and grooms who wish to be unique. The DIY approach allows you to say exactly how you feel about each other in your own words — words that, theoretically, no other couple has put together in just this way before. But composing oaths of your own does take work. You and your fiancé don’t have to be Emily Dickinson and Lord Byron, but it helps to have a way with words. And don’t expect the perfect phrases to spring automatically from your pen simply because you’re in love. Chances are, you’ll have to do research and seek inspiration. Consider, too, that the more you personalize your pledge, the more you’ll probably talk, which calls for a certain comfort level with public speaking. Whatever you choose to say, write it down on a piece of paper and have your maid of honor carry it to the altar in case nerves leave you tongue-tied.

What to Know: To get the creative juices flowing:

Exchange love letters with your fiancé. Keep a copy of the one you write, and reread both letters when starting to compose your vows.

Review old journals, look at souvenirs from your best dates, revisit places that mean a lot to you both, flip through photo albums, and recount anecdotes from your relationship (that undercooked cheeseburger he made you on your third date, the way you consoled each other at a Super Bowl party after your team blew it).

Sample Script: You’re on your own for this one.

Resources and Tips:

Bounce ideas off friends, relatives, and the officiant. Or enlist a pro: Creative-writing services, like Perfectly Noted (www.perfectlynoted.com), work with you to compose vows. (At least two to three sessions, online or in person, are generally required; the cost for vows starts at $75.)

Keep it positive. There’s no need to relate the storms you and your fiancé have weathered.

Try to avoid words or phrases you wouldn’t normally use; don’t pick a passage just because it sounds deep or eloquent.

Feel free to add a touch of humor (“I vow to become a less cranky morning person”), but remember — these are vows, not a standup routine.

Insert a tender passage from a favorite children’s book or a lullaby.

Recite a part of the program from Cirque du Soleil if that was the scene of your first date, or quote a lyric from your favorite Kiss song.

Hit the Web to get inspired by poetry and quotation sites, such as www.poets.org or www.bartleby.com.

Stress-Saving Tip: If you’re writing your own vows, start seeking inspiration about one month before the ceremony, so that you’ll have at least a few weeks to practice the finished script. Once a day during the month prior to the wedding, look into a mirror and recite the vows aloud. Take it slow; this will help your voice resonate. Familiarity with your vows will inspire confidence.