There are times when guilt ceases to serve any purpose other than to make you unhappy. Some people even slide into exhausting self-flagellation. When you obsess about something you’ve done without any purpose or clear goal, “that’s when you need a reality check,” says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D.

But even a moderate amount of guilt can weigh on women, who tend to feel it more than men. The general view is that women are more focused on the caring role, and caring is the bedrock of guilt. What’s more, in a busy world, says professor June Tangney, women often feel that they must choose between shortchanging family and friends (guilt!), cutting corners at work (more guilt!), and ignoring their own needs (yet another type of guilt!). “For many women, the standards are impossibly high, and the world — and their inner voices — are telling them that nothing they do is good enough,” Tangney says. It’s all too easy to feel as though you’re always falling short.