Readers Share Their Experiences and Advice

Please note, the following stories from readers have not been edited. To share your experiences or offer advice to Jeanne, post a comment here.

Submitted by: Debbie | October 20, 2006 7:14 PM
I'm an adoptive mom in the Portland area and volunteer with NAFA, a non-profit, volunteer driven adoption education and support group. I'd love to talk with Jeanne about adoption and put her in touch with some other single moms.

Submitted by: Khristine | October 13, 2006 4:09 AM
I recently went through a "divorce" with the father of my daughter. Although we were never married, we lived together like a family. After I found out he was having an affair, my whole life changed. Once a very happy, positive, the glass is half full person, I spiraled into a depression that was scary. My daughter who was four at the time was stronger than I was. She would sit with me, dry my tears and always have the right things to say. Her father left us with nothing. Before, I was used to a very luxurious lifestyle. After all this happened, I had to take I job I didn't really care for to make ends meet. The whole point behind this is that during this awful year, I learned more about myself, made amazing friends and realized that love comes from the most unexpected places and life really is simple. I went from an expensive, high-maintenence, try to do everything mom/woman who was really actually miserable in the relationship she was in and had an unhealthy guilt complex about working and how it affected my daughter, to a more accepting, more forgiving, grateful person who realized I had to go through the nightmare of a seperation, an awful court battle and the battle with myself and my emotions. Over the summer, I let myself spend a great deal of time at the beach with friends and my daughter, eat out and go out more, generally, living a better life I would never have gone after myself.

Advice to Jeanne, I am a single mother and it is hard. Most of my friends are Park Avenue mothers who can afford really almost anything and never have to worry about money. I can't lie and say it's a bed of roses everyday. Frequently, I worry about finances and how my daughter is being affected by the negativity of court and her parents contentious relationship. Being a mother was the best decision I made - I had her at 24 - it was unplanned and her father was not around for the first year and a half of her life. But you're right, the best thing I have ever experienced in my entire life is the ability to love someone more than myself and have that love returned in ways I never thought. At four, my daughter was amazingly mature, when money was tight, she would give me her change or a dollar that her father had given her and tell me to use it for our expenses. Not only that, during my toughest days of court, she would just sit in my lap while I tears would stream down my face, wipe them off and just hug and kiss me. Finally, on weekends when I could finally collapse because of the stress of everything - my job was affected by the constanct court appearances, we had to find a new apartment on two weeks notice, the man I loved and trusted betrayed me emotionally, financially, etc. - she would quietly play with her toys in our bedroom while I slept. The door was always closed and it was a way I could keep her safe while I battled with depression. So, if you're thinking about being a mother, I think it is truly the most worthwhile endeavor I have ever undertaken. It is also the most emotionally charged situation you could ever ask for - good and bad -you're constantly worrying. But, I wouldn't ever change a thing. Children do add something that you would never get alone, a greater wisdom and understanding of life (if you pay attention), a softness that you won't have with anyone else and a love no man or family can/will give you.

Submitted by: Lexy | October 7, 2006 10:00 PM
Jeanne, I wanted you to know that ever since I have read your article, you are now my inspiration. I have your article placed on my desk to remind me when I am having a bad day that I can be happy on my own as a single mother. I am 33 years olds, and since reading your article I have broken up with a boyfreind who was not healthy for me, and I have already seen a fertility specialist on the process of having a baby! Thank you for allowing me to open up my eyes and realize it ain't such a bad world after all. Good Luck to you girl!

Submitted by: Tracey | October 7, 2006 1:10 AM
Jeanne, I'm not a mother, so I couldn't tell you if you were ready. But you mentioned international adoption, and I just came back from a trip to Vietnam. I'm half Vietnamese, so the trip had a profound effect on me emotionally, as I'd never connected so deeply with my heritage before. If you can, try taking a vacation to a country from which you'd consider adopting. It might give you clarity. I'm not ready for kids yet, but when I saw Vietnamese kids needing a home, it definitely inspired me to think about adoption once the time comes. Interacting with those kids might help you decide. Best of luck.

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