Being passed over, whether for a promotion or the chance to be a bridesmaid, can transport people back to being the last one picked for kickball. But everyone is "not chosen" at some point. Take Tom Brady, the New England Patriot who was famously not chosen until the sixth round of the 2000 NFL draft yet became the youngest quarterback ever to lead his team to win three Super Bowls. Sheenah Hankin, author of Complete Confidence: A Handbook (Regan, $25, www.amazon.com), follows his example: "Don't focus on your shortcomings — make sure you're picked next time," she says. "If it's a job, ask, 'What do I need to do to get it? A headhunter? Another degree?' Then do that." Acknowledge your disappointment, says David B. Spano, director of the counseling center at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. "Then counter it by recalling times you were chosen," he says. "When a block is put in front of us, we have to change direction — which often leads to a surprisingly good outcome."