Sending a Get-Well Card or Flowers

aim to: Send it as soon as you hear that the person is not well. If she is having surgery or some other short-term treatment, send your card after the procedure.
if you are late: Mail a card that says you’ve been thinking about the person, and apologize for not contacting her during the illness.
tip: If you don’t know what the person’s condition is, try to contact friends or family before sending anything. If the person’s health is deteriorating quickly, a get-well card might not be appropriate.

Sending a Condolence Note

aim to: Get it there within a few days of the funeral. "You don't want to drag it out for the family," says Crane's Stationery spokesman (and correspondence guru) Peter Hopkins. "People need to start recovering."
if you are late: If you're late writing the note, explain that you've had difficulty expressing your feelings on paper.
tip: Flowers are not always welcome. The family might prefer a donation to a charity in the deceased's name. (Check with the funeral home.) If donations are requested, try to make one within two months.