While you can't control the actions of your role-playing relatives, you can at least control your own reactions. Here, authorities on etiquette and family dynamics offer strategies for handling a tableful of problem personalities. As for you, just keep up the good work.

The "Constructive" Criticizer

Often Heard Saying: "When I was in your situation, I knew exactly what I had to do."
The Offense: Gives you unsolicited advice about everything from raising your kids to raising your hemline.
Your Course of Action: "The criticizer relies on his ability to bait you," says etiquette consultant Sue Fox. Don't take the bait: Thank him, point out facts he may have overlooked, and move on. If he keeps offering barbed comments disguised as advice, author Caroline Tiger suggests cutting him off with a breezy "Don't worry about me — I'm fine!"

The Slacker

Often Heard Saying: "Yup, just a sec...I'll be riiiight in."
The Offense: Refuses to help with the cooking, cleaning, child care, or even candle-lighting.
Your Course of Action: "Entertain the possibility that this person doesn't realize anyone needs help, or perhaps he's worried that if he were given a task to complete, he'd fail," says Tiger. Give him precise instructions, something like "Vincent, it would be a great help if you went ahead and started rinsing the dishes. Let me get you an apron."

The Cheerleader

Often Heard Saying: Anything with exclamation points. "Hey, guys! Let's bundle up and go caroling in the snow!"
The Offense: Hurls herself into the holiday spirit, donning seasonal sweaters with more doodads than a junk drawer.
Your Course of Action: If you're not in the mood or if her joyousness feels forced, the cheerleader can be extremely irritating, says Fox. Don't attempt to dampen her good cheer (she likes being the center of attention), but don't let her cow you into wearing felt antlers to the table, either. Just keep your distance.

The Exaggerator

Often Heard Saying: "The Feds said the raid could not have gone down without my tip."
The Offense: Chronically oversells achievements, work situations, children's accomplishments, size of fish caught.
Your Course of Action: "It's rude to embarrass a guest who might be exaggerating due to feeling insecure," says Tiger. "A little hyperbole on his part isn't too much for you to endure if it makes him feel more comfortable." Besides, everyone else at the table probably sees right through him, too, psychologist Barry Greenwald points out.

The Martyr

Often Heard Saying: Nothing. She's still in the kitchen, slaving away over a hot stove.
The Offense: Lets everyone know just how many potatoes she had to peel — and shows the blisters to prove it.
Your Course of Action: When she begins listing her suppertime sacrifices, interrupt with "And that is why you deserve to relax for the evening." All you can do is ask if she needs help — if only to assure yourself that you tried. "She is obviously getting something she needs out of this, be it satisfaction or superiority," says Tiger.