When a friend tells you she’s pregnant, you know exactly how to react. When another gets Lasik eye surgery, you want all the details (“Were you scared you’d go blind?”). But when a friend faces a serious health problem, suddenly you don’t know what to say or do, or ask or not ask. “People feel awkward and nervous around someone who is ill,” says Arnold Medvene, a staff psychologist specializing in illness-and-loss group therapy at the University of Maryland Counseling Center, in College Park. “We want to get it right and not mess things up further.”

Don’t clam up and do nothing. Take some advice from experts on illness and recovery and find the words and actions that really help in situations where a loved one’s well-being — physical and emotional — is the issue. Because good bedside manners aren’t just for doctors.