Real Simple asked women across the country to share the ways they scale back holiday stress and focus on the season’s most meaningful aspects.

Preventing the “Gimmes”

“Each of my children gets a single present from Santa (after all, the story says that Santa delivers one toy to each girl and boy), one from Mom and Dad, and a stocking full of fruit, candy, and small toys.”
— Heather Picard, Cotati, California

Alternatives to Presents

“One year everyone in my extended family selected a few favorite books and brought them to our holiday gathering/book free-for-all. It was fun to see what everyone had chosen and to go home with a few new books of our own.”
— Catherine Bradford, San Francisco

“One thing that makes everyone happy is gift certificates for personal time and services: a certificate for three foot massages, an hour of game playing, an afternoon of Frisbee in the park, or a prized day off from school or work to do nothing or something you’ve always wanted to. It’s fun thinking about how to ‘spend’ our time with each other.”
— Katy Juneau, Oakland

It’s the Giving, not the Getting

“When I was growing up, my dad and I would buy red roses, then visit several women who were special in our lives — honorary aunts and grandmothers — and give each a Christmas rose.”
— Mary Wolfe, San Francisco

Feasible Feasts

“I don’t make big Christmas dinners — it’s my day, too, and I’m not going to spend it slaving in the kitchen! So one year we got Chinese takeout; another we got fancy deli food. The pumpkin pie is the only given.”
— Marybeth Hillard, Redmond, Washington

“We’ve streamlined holiday meals. My husband’s Italian family served seven kinds of fish on Christmas Eve. After years of struggling to keep that up, we’ve pared it down to a simple meal of antipasto and shrimp or lobster. And we move my family’s traditional Christmas Eve meal of oyster stew to another night or skip it altogether.”
— Anne Corapi, Knoxville, Tennessee

“Throughout the year, I take pictures of my children with grandparents and other relatives and then set aside any great shots. I even get them enlarged and framed right away, so I know those presents are already checked off my list.”
— Ann Hallock, Holyoke, Massachusetts

“I shop all year long — if I come across the perfect thing for someone, I’ll buy it and sock it away until December rolls around. It takes some of the sting out of my January credit-card statements and lessens the holiday frenzy.”
— Anne Feld-Lowell, San Francisco

“Every year on the Sunday before Christmas, I host a brunch for the Irish side of my family, with ‘crackers’ and trifle and Irish bacon and a present exchange for the nieces and nephews. Then if we don’t see each other on Christmas, it’s not a big deal.”
— Patricia Santelli, Nutley, New Jersey

“December is such a crazy month, so my friends and I hold a postholiday potluck in early January. The decorations are still up, but the pressure is off!”
— Jen Hinkle, Fairfield, Connecticut

Secret Santa and Other Sanity Savers

“The adult members of my family did away with gifts. Now we draw one name out of a hat. That way we can spend a little more and take the time to find something special.”
— Michael Braude, Menlo Park, California

“My family gives handcrafted gifts, but even that can get overwhelming, so we come up with one thing and make versions of it for everyone. One year one of my sisters knitted scarves; another year my other sister made mosaic pots. I make jewelry, so all the women get necklaces on knotted silk cords or wire-wrapped earrings, depending on what I’m making that year.”
— Melanie Haiken, San Rafael, California

“At various times, my family has included struggling students, freelance writers, and out-of-work actors, so we decided to establish a $5 gift limit. It’s fun to see what you can come up with. One year I got each of my brothers a ‘gently worn’ designer shirt, which none of us could ever have afforded new. And my stepfather once bought each of us a single magazine, selected to complement our personalities (I ended up with Cat Fancy; my husband got Mad).”
— Diana Prufer, Cleveland

Building Memories

“I bought a hanging Advent calendar with pockets numbered 1 to 25. Starting on December 1, my daughters look into the pocket for that day, where they’ll find messages like ‘Game night,’ ‘Decorate the tree after school,’ or ‘Let’s take a walk and look at Christmas lights tonight.’ We sometimes put in a chocolate or a small trinket, but most of the ‘treasures’ they find are simple activities that we can do together.”
— Pam Ramos, Oakland

“Traditions, however small or silly, become so rich with meaning over the years. During the holidays, we get out our Scandinavian candle chime and light it for dinner every night. (During Hanukkah we light both that and the menorah.) Then we build a fire and sit around cracking nuts with a nutcracker and telling stories. And as a sort of literary Advent calendar, we wrap up all our books about winter and snow, and our kids open one each day.”
— Catherine Newman, Amherst, Massachusetts

Sharing the Wealth

“During the holidays, we ask our daughters to weed through their things for items they don’t need, then we deliver them personally to a local shelter for homeless families. No sugarcoated storybook could get that message through any better.”
— Maria Bistrin, Eureka, California

“I keep the present quota to one a night for Hanukkah. With a single gift to contend with, my kids actually play with whatever they receive rather than tossing it aside and looking for the next thing to unwrap.”
— Dawn Denberg, Wilmette, Illinois

Making a List and Checking It Twice

“With four kids, it’s a challenge to make sure that one doesn’t have more (or seem to have more) than another. So I make a chart with four columns, one for each of them. Down the side I list categories—books, an outfit, something for their rooms, something electronic, and the ‘big gift.’ Then I get one thing in each category for each of them. Filling in the chart as I shop helps me keep track of what I’ve got and what I still need.”
— Karen Miles, Blairstown, Iowa

“We put a cap on the number of gifts our kids get, and we hold everyone to it — even though it means some preholiday bickering with the grandparents. So far, our son is thrilled to open only a half-dozen gifts on Christmas morning.”
— Michael Millner, Amherst, Massachusetts