“I look just horrible,” says a sick friend. If it’s true, should I lie? If it’s not true, how can I reassure her?

No matter what your friend looks like, you want to offer encouragement. “I liked it when people pretended I looked fine,” says Susan Halpern, the author of The Etiquette of Illness (Bloomsbury, $12.50, www.amazon.com), of her own experience with cancer. Many people have an exaggerated idea of how ill people are supposed to look, so you may be surprised that your friend looks better than you expected. In this case, it’s natural to want to tell her how good she looks. But don’t gloss over how bad she feels. You might try saying, “I know you feel awful, but you look wonderful to me.” You can also offer to do her hair, give her a facial or a back rub, or polish her nails. Just being touched by a loved one (as opposed to a doctor’s instruments) can remind her that there are parts of her body that aren’t sick, Halpern says.