Request: You're invited to a distant relative's annual Lobster Luau — for the 14th year in a row.

What you should say: "I've really had fun in the past, but I can't make it this year. That week is already packed for me."

Why it works: "You've explained it in a way that doesn't sound like a personal rejection," says author Duke Robinson. "And you've asked for understanding, based on your need to take stress out of your schedule. Everyone can identify with that."

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: You have only so much free time — and so much tolerance for flying lobster goo. "Don't R.S.V.P. yes, then back out at the last minute or, worse, not show up at all," say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh. "That is the least decorous way of handling the invite."

How to avoid the situation in the future: In a note, thank the relative for thinking of you and explain that because you tend to be busy at this time of year, he should feel free to take you off his invite list.