WHAT TO SAY:
"Say, 'I'm sorry. I didn't know,' and see what the other person wants to say," says Elana Katz, codirector of the Divorce Mediation Program at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, in New York City. "Acknowledge that divorce is stressful, even if your friend is genuinely relieved or excited."
Be a cheerleader. "My best friends said, 'You are strong. You didn't deserve this kind of behavior. You're going to be all right,'" says Jessica, a 38-year-old artist and recent divorcee in New York City.
"I liked it when people wished me the best rather than mourning the end of the marriage," says Rachel, a 29-year-old fitness trainer in Albuquerque, New Mexico. "People said, 'There's a whole new world ahead of you.' Close friends said, 'You look so much happier. We're glad you're back.'"
WHAT NOT TO SAY:
"Don't ask whose idea it was or who is to blame," says Katz. "It doesn't benefit anyone to pull the conversation that way."
Don't probe. "People asked, 'What did you do with the house and the cars? Are you lonely?'" says Rachel. "That irritated me."
Treating the news like a tragedy is also annoying. "Some friends said, 'Oh, my god! How are you going to handle this?'" recalls Jessica. "There's a difference between sympathy and pity, and I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me."
