Step 4: Send the right message.

Go into the discussion with several ideas of how to resolve the conflict. Make it clear that you’re there to work things out, saying something like “OK, we both want to come to an agreement” to establish common ground. “It’s hard to fight with someone who says, ‘I want to find a solution that works for both of us,’” says mediator Elinor Robin. That message has to be physical as well as verbal, so avoid movements that indicate irritation or frustration, like tapping your fingers, crossing your arms, and rolling your eyes.

What Could Trip You Up: Setting a tone that implies anything but mutual respect, which is sure to increase the tension level.

Step 5: Negotiate.

Take turns airing your grievances — speaking only when it’s your turn — and keep things as amicable as possible as you try to find solutions together. “It can go right down the tubes here if you start arguing with the other person,” says professor and author G. Richard Shell. If you start to lose your cool, negotiation expert William Ury suggests what he calls “going to the balcony” in your mind: “Take a deep breath or two, wait a few seconds before responding, and slow down the communication with a rote phrase, like ‘Let me understand what it is you’re saying.’”

What Could Trip You Up: In a word, anger. Keep it out of the equation by focusing on your goals for the meeting, avoiding personal attacks, and taking a break if you feel the steam building.

If All Else Fails…

When a resolution eludes you no matter how hard you try, bring in a mediator, the experts suggest. This neutral third party gathers information from both sides, then brings them together to find an equitable solution. A friend, a family member, or a colleague with no stake in the conflict could fill the role, but a professional will know techniques to keep the negotiation process on track.

The important thing to remember is that avoiding or ignoring a conflict won’t make it go away. Taking positive steps toward a resolution will leave you feeling better in the end.