Step 1: Take an inventory of your “incompletions.”

Using the following categories, look at various aspects of your life and consider the gaps between where you are now and where you would like to be. Believe me — you’ll be surprised, amused, and possibly moved by some of things you write down. But don’t agonize over what to write. Just put down whatever comes to mind.

1. Things I want to start but haven’t started.
For example, I want to start doing Pilates. I’ve said that for two years now. I even sat next to a woman on a plane a couple of months ago who offered me a free introductory session. I haven’t taken her up on it.

2. Things I want to change but haven’t changed.
“I want to change my attitude to be more upbeat on a daily basis,” a friend told me recently. “I don’t like the way I always go for the negative point of view, not the positive.” OK, so she could write that down here.

3. Things I want to stop but haven’t stopped.
Kelly said she wanted to “stop obsessing” about her ex-husband. “This is endless,” she said. “It’s like every day I think about him. I don’t even like him, for heaven’s sake. Yet I’m giving him power over me.”

4. Things I started but haven’t finished.
I’ve said for years that I’m going to organize all the pictures of my daughters, Kate and Abigail, into nice albums that they can show their children someday. I always think that if I were a “good mother,” I’d do that.

5. Things I want to do but haven’t done.
“I’ve always wanted to go to Italy with a few friends and have my own Enchanted April,” said a usually unadventurous woman that I know, referring to the movie. Several fit people I know have “always meant to” run a marathon.

6. Things I want to say but haven’t said.
“I want to tell my ex-husband, ‘There are too many fish in the sea,’” wrote Kelly. Iris wrote: “I want to tell my old boss that it’s OK she fired me — it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” And Brenda said, “I want to tell myself that I’m a really good pianist.”

7. Things I want to learn but haven’t learned.
The Enchanted April woman wants to learn Italian so she can fully appreciate the people she meets on her trip. I have always wanted to learn chess because I think it will make me feel smart. A pal of mine wants to learn salsa dancing to help her be “freer” with her body.

8. Feelings I have but haven’t expressed.
This is a big one. Unexpressed feelings will drag you down every time. One client of mine was so busy caring for the rest of her family after her mother died that she never allowed herself to grieve. Another woman I know is still harboring anger toward her father for the way he left her mom and her years ago.