1. The Gail technique. Here’s an example of my flirting method. It was a beautiful fall day in New York City, and my cab had just pulled up in front of my office building on Third Avenue. As I got out, a very attractive, well-dressed man walked up to get in. I smiled, looked him straight in the eyes, and said, “Well, I’ve got your cab for you.” He looked surprised but smiled back and said, “How much do I owe you?” I looked into his eyes again and said, “This time it’s on the house.”

“That’s absolutely lovely of you,” he said. At that moment, I knew I had connected with him. Hey, maybe I had even charmed him. I mean, we were both standing there grinning at each other. But given the fact that I was just trying out techniques and definitely not looking for any sort of relationship (I bet he wasn’t, either), I nodded, smiled one last time, and said, “See ya.”

“I sure hope so,” he said.

That was it. And though I doubt very much that we’ll ever in a million years run into each other again, we brightened each other’s day. So what was the technique? Well, for me it was a mix of disarming directness (looking an attractive stranger right in the eyes and starting a conversation with him is a little out of the ordinary, wouldn’t you say?), warmth (I smiled my best smile), and good old optimism (I assumed he would find me delightful).

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I didn’t make up this technique myself. I had observed it a week earlier in the airport in Pittsburgh, when a really darling guy flashed me a warm smile and engaged in some harmless banter as we waited to board the plane. It was nothing short of (or more than) delightful. So I decided to try it myself.

2. The Bill Clinton technique. If you get an up-close chance to watch Bill Clinton working a crowd, you’ll notice something worth emulating. Whenever he’s talking to someone, especially a woman (but, honestly, he uses this technique on everyone), he focuses every bit of his attention on her. Nothing, truly nothing, can distract him. For him, at that moment, there is no one else in the room — no one else who counts. It would be easy for him to be distracted, but he never is. His ability to focus is almost as unforgettable as his warmth.

3. The Val Hunt technique. Val was my best friend at camp, and she completely mesmerized my older brother, Jay, when she came to visit us one time. Jay was about to leave for a canoeing trip, and Val sat on the floor with him for hours, poring over maps of Canada as if she had never seen anything so completely riveting in her life. She was only 13 at the time, but she sure knew how to flirt. When Jay pronounced her “really neat,” my mother said to me quietly, “See? If you want to get a boy’s attention, be fascinated by whatever fascinates him.” (This was the 50s, after all.)