I’ve been thinking a lot about flirting lately. Probably because I’ve observed my daughters, Kate and Abigail, and their friends. They are out of college now and all caught up in the adventure of discovering the career of their dreams (OK, at least a job) and the man of their dreams (OK, maybe just someone cute to go out with). Anyway, they really have the flirting thing down. And it’s a lot of fun to watch. Recently at a party, my husband, Jim, who doesn’t miss much, nudged me and said, “Look at Kate. She’s got her molars going.” We always say that about Kate when she’s flirting with someone and shows all her gorgeous, straight (at no small cost!) teeth. It’s when she shows the back molars that we know she’s fully engaged in the game.

And it is a game — a fun game. I think we all ought to play it more. I mean, why not? We’re not talking Fatal Attraction here; we’re talking about tapping into a zillion-year-old art — the art of engaging the interest of someone we find interesting and delightful by being delightful ourselves. Now, I have no doubt that polishing up your flirting techniques could lead some of you to your next great boyfriend or even your soul mate. But it’s not just about attracting the opposite sex. (Hey, some of the best flirters I know are happily married.) When you hone your flirting skills, you’re also perfecting new ways to connect, charm, and, perhaps best of all, project confidence in yourself. Flirting makes you feel terrific, and the fellow you’re flirting with will feel like a million bucks. So just imagine what you could achieve if you employed that same charm when dealing with your boss, your child’s teacher, your husband, or the guy who’s considering giving you a discount at the electronics store.

I must say, since I’ve been practicing, I’ve gotten a big kick out of it. My husband is rather enjoying it as well. In fact, he took a crack at a bit of flirting the other day in Central Park as he passed a woman jogger who was lifting weights. “Wow,” he said admiringly, “I wouldn’t want to run into you in a dark alley.” Not surprisingly, the woman scowled and turned away. See, that’s why it’s a good idea to practice a little bit. So since I’m committed to reawakening the flirting instinct in all of us, I’ve assembled here some of the best techniques I could find. I’ve watched what seems to work for other people, I’ve asked women I know to tell me what works best for them, and I’ve tried out some new moves of my own. What follows is a sampling of my research results. Got your own technique? Log on to www.realsimple.com/motivator and tell us all about it. There’s only one rule: Have fun.