Here’s the thing: Positive reinforcement works — on dogs, on children, on husbands, in families, on sports teams, on work teams, in life. And I don’t think we use it enough, which is a shame. We’re so busy trying to get everything done, to uncover what’s not working rather than what is working, to root out the mistake or the shortfall rather than the win, that we forget to acknowledge ourselves or anyone else for doing something good. That’s the problem with being such a task-oriented society — isn’t it? There’s no room and no time for celebrating. It’s no wonder that we so frequently find ourselves dispirited and drained of energy. Sometimes I think we’re like little wood-burning stoves. The minute something good happens, it’s as if we put a log in the stove and burn it all up, and then we’re out of fuel again. But we don’t have to be that way. We could take constant energy from the little things, the little “wins.”

A few months ago, a dear friend of mine, who is a marvelous but, in her own words, “struggling” writer, sold her first book to a top-notch publisher and received a much needed advance. She was happy about her “win” for about an hour. Then she resumed her struggling-writer attitude and vowed to “plug on.”

“Wait!” I said. “We have to celebrate! You have to understand, absorb, and embrace this tremendous accomplishment. Don’t you see? Everything has changed. You’ve been acknowledged by a publisher. Can’t you just acknowledge yourself? They’ve published your darn book. You’re not struggling anymore — you’re soaring!”

“OK, OK,” she said. “So every day I wake up and say, ‘I sold a book’ — right?”

“Right,” I said. “Good girl.”