So I started using the “good girl” method of training, and you know what? It works. A few nights ago, my husband was standing outside calling Willa, but she wouldn’t come. “Willa, come — darn you!” he said. “Watch this — I’ll get her,” I said. I yelled, “Willa! Good girl to come! Good girl!” and she came flying down the hill behind our house and into my arms.

Given my penchant for overdoing things, I’ve gotten a little carried away with the “good girl” method. You’ll hear me say, “Good girl to leave the cat alone!” “Good girl to drop the shoe!” “Good girl to be a good girl!” And now, whenever one of us in the family does anything even remotely right, another one of us will unfailingly say it. So you hear, “Good girl to load the dishwasher!” “Good boy to go to the cleaners!” We crack ourselves up, but we also create an upbeat atmosphere in which everybody feels, well, good. The other day, Jane, my assistant, plopped a bottle of water on my desk and said, “Good girl to drink your water!” I drank it all.

It’s not a brand-new technique, of course, but we do need to be reminded of it. When Kate was very young, maybe about four or five years old, and still at that point an only child, I thought I should do something to ensure that she learned to think about others and have a generous attitude. So I decided to look for a moment — any moment — when I could catch her thinking about someone else or sharing one of her toys. One day her best friend, Ruby, was at our house playing dress-up, and she and Kate were trying on old Halloween costumes. Ruby put on a fairy-princess dress that fit her perfectly, and she looked spectacular. As Ruby beamed at her reflection in the mirror, Kate said, “You look so pretty! You can have it if you want it.” Later that day I told Kate how generous she was and what a good thing that was to be. She grinned and skipped off to find other ways to be generous. About an hour later, I saw her present one of her small stuffed animals to her cat, Little Bones, and say, “You can have it if you want it.” Twenty-five years later, Kate’s heart is still in the right place. In fact, now that I’m thinking of it, I’m going to tell her that today.