If you and your sibling haven’t spoken for years and the silence makes you miserable, reach out with these tips from Barbara LeBey, author of Family Estrangements: How They Begin, How to Mend Them, How to Cope With Them (Bantam, $12, www.amazon.com).

Write a letter or send an e-mail inviting your sibling to an event that involves minimal talking, such as seeing a play or a movie. Sitting face-to-face at dinner might make revisiting past problems too tempting. Remember: You want to move forward cordially, not bring up old beefs.

If your sibling doesn’t respond to your initial e-mail or letter, enlist the help of a neutral family member, someone who gets along with everyone.

Still no response? Keep yourself busy and try not to dwell on it. Continue sending holiday and birthday cards to let him know you’re thinking of him. “Never give up, but also don’t make a career out of contacting him,” says LeBey. After all, relationships require effort from both parties.