After years of double dates and two-couple weekends, your best married friends are getting a divorce. How can you remain friends with both Ryan and Sarah even if they won’t be living happily ever after? If the divorce is particularly messy, “it’s hard to do,” says Constance Ahrons, a professor emerita of sociology at the University of Southern California, in Los Angeles, and the author of The Good Divorce (Harper Paperbacks, $14, www.amazon.com).

And just because you want to stay friends with both people doesn’t necessarily mean they do, too. “The friendship might remind them of the life they had before,” says Judith Wallerstein, a psychologist and the coauthor of four books on divorce, including What About the Kids? (Hyperion, $24, www.amazon.com). Still, if you’re crazy about both people, follow these tips from Ahrons and Wallerstein to keep the peace.

Be up-front. “Tell both people you plan to remain friends with their ex and ask if it’s a problem,” advises Wallerstein. You’ll address their concerns and prevent them from thinking you’re keeping secrets from them.

Avoid ex bashing. Listen to talk about the ex, but try to keep the conversation away from the gritty details, which puts you in the position of taking sides. And don’t bad-mouth either party — the couple could end up reconciling, leaving you in the doghouse with both.

Don’t try to play peacemaker. You’ll end up in the middle of their war.

Invite both friends to your parties, but tell each one that the other is invited. “Let them choose whether they come,” says Ahrons.

Don’t lie if one person asks if his or her ex is in a new relationship. Say you don’t feel comfortable discussing it. “As a general rule,” says Ahrons, “don’t carry information back and forth.”

Ask your newly single friends to dinner (on different nights!). Divorcés don’t want to lose their married friends or hang out only with singles.