The Heart of the Matter

I focus on one particular thing I am most grateful for in the past year. (This year it’s the strengthening of my relationship with my father; I will write him a letter to express my appreciation and love.) So often we gloss over everything without paying tribute to people or things in our lives. This tradition enhances the holidays.
Jennie Calabro
Henderson, Nevada

It’s not hard to find meaning during the holiday rush. Even in the middle of mall madness, if you look, you’ll see people laughing, talking, and truly giving their time, money, and love to find that special something for those who touch their lives every day.
Sandi Pearlman
Fredericksburg, Virginia

As I grew older, Christmas seemed to become more about shopping for presents than anything else. So, 25 years ago, I decided I would make all my Christmas gifts myself. I start each September by compiling a list of the people I want to make things for. Then, as I complete each gift — something like potpourri, flavored cheesecake, or a velvet scarf — I wrap it and move on to the next. Come Christmas Day, I take great pleasure in knowing each gift was carefully thought out and created with its recipient in mind.
Letitia Mancini
Toronto, Ontario

I started my own tradition of anonymous giving. Each year, I look among my friends and family to see who really needs a simple act of kindness. I try to find something I can do that the people I’ve selected will truly appreciate, a gift just for them — it may be something as small as a gift certificate for a manicure or a pedicure. Then I send it, signed only “From Santa.” For me, giving without expecting anything in return is the true meaning of the holiday season.
Jennifer Hoar
Chelmsford, Massachusetts

My family landscape has changed dramatically over the past few years, due to divorce, remarriage, birth, and death; even my beloved family dog of 16 years recently passed away. Everything else about the holidays may keep changing, but I need to have one tradition to hang on to that keeps me grounded and comforted. For me, that is going to Christmas Eve church service, where I can collect my thoughts and remember how fortunate I am.
Melissa Martenis
Hershey, Pennsylvania

In the midst of all the craziness, I take a moment to remember that I am going to see my family again, maybe for the first time all year. That thought alone makes everything worthwhile.
Rachel Mancha
San Marcos, Texas

My husband is Methodist, and I’m Jewish. We have tried to combine the religions for our two young sons by focusing on charity and the acceptance of all beliefs. The boys each choose one new gift they’ve received for donation to Toys for Tots (www.toysfortots.org), a program through which you can drop off new, unwrapped toys to be given to children in need. Our families have embraced our efforts, too, by sending cards and gifts for both Christmas and Hanukkah. The lessons will linger long after the presents are forgotten.
Wendy Page
Clifton Park, New York

My mother was one of those people who, when they are with you, make you feel cherished. She didn’t accomplish this by means of expensive gifts or elaborate events; it was simply the way she paid attention. Now, when things get hectic during the holidays, I honor her memory. If I find myself getting overwhelmed, I just let go of obligations, such as parties and sending out Christmas cards. Instead, I linger over my daughter telling me about her day at school, or sitting with my husband and talking after work. This way, I feel that my mom is still with me, and I enjoy Christmas more than ever.
Barbara Ballard
Coupeville, Washington

The trimmings, the gifts, and the chaos of trying to pull everything off aside, the holidays are an opportunity to attend to some of the things we neglect during the year: quality time with family and friends, a rejuvenation of faith, and a celebration of the blessings we enjoy. I try to appreciate the season’s simple pleasures by focusing on quality, not quantity, and on desire rather than obligation. Sure, you can try to make it to every single party and get every last shopping trip in, but you risk missing out on the importance of this time of year (and any prospect of peace).
Steffi Williams
Milford, Connecticut

At the end of each day during the holidays, I dim the lights in the house, pour myself a cup of coffee or spiced cider, and sit next to the lit tree. With soft Christmas music playing in the background, I take a moment to reflect upon the past year and the events that have taken place. This tradition, which I started on my own, gives me a sense of peace and helps me put things into perspective.
Kelly Pfeifer
Meridian, Idaho

My husband and I are committed to teaching our children that the holidays are not just about receiving gifts but, more important, also about giving. We set a date right after Thanksgiving for them to purge their toy collections of whatever they no longer play with. Then the kids choose a local charity, to which we donate them. My husband and I love the process of cleaning, as well as the lesson it teaches our children.
Hilary Haynes
Duxbury, Massachusetts

I try to remember that my young son won’t recall the gifts he receives each Christmas as much as the simple holiday traditions and memories of friends and family. Making time to create those special times takes precedence over holiday errands.
Jennifer Ogren
Portland, Oregon

Growing up in a divorced-and-remarried home, I had four families to contend with. I was loved by all, but I hated the holidays: Where would I spend Thanksgiving? Who would I be with at Christmas? Too many days that were supposed to be perfect left me tired and in tears. Now married with three kids, I know exactly what my children will say when asked what the holidays mean to them: Mom doesn’t always cook the best turkey, but she does provide laughter, old movies (White Christmas is the favorite), and hot chocolate with way too many marshmallows. Boring and corny, maybe — but also peaceful and perfect.
Suzan Boster
Oakdale, California

Every year, I write a letter to myself about the real meaning of Christmas. Then I pack it away with my decorations. When I open it the following season, I’m inspired to follow last year’s advice. Kristen Leach, Keene, New Hampshire

I decorate our family’s tree with treasured items, like baby shoes, mittens knit by Grandma, and small family photos in handmade frames.
Julie Albin
Lincoln, Nebraska