My daughter thinks I go overboard with the gifts I buy her children. She’s asked me to put money into college funds for them instead. I love surprising my grandchildren with presents, but I don’t want to upset my daughter. What should I do?

Nothing will stop grandparents from wanting to give their grandchildren fantastic presents. “That’s one of the distinct pleasures of being a grandparent,” Godfrey says. However, you should respect your daughter’s wishes when it comes to her children — whether she’s worried that her kids will grow up spoiled or that you’re simply spending too much money. Think about striking a compromise with your daughter, Godfrey suggests. Offer to limit the extravagant gifts to once or twice a year. Then, says Robert Brokamp, retirement editor for The Motley Fool (www.fool.com), you can put some of the money you save into tax-exempt 529 college savings plans, which grandparents can contribute to (see Web Resources). Or perhaps your daughter can put you in charge of giving the “big ticket” gifts for the kids, allowing her to put the money she saves into the college funds. Either way, Godfrey says, you should remember that what your grandchildren want most is quality time with Grandma and Grandpa. “When grandparents visit, they can take the kids to the park, to the museum, or golfing for the day,” she recommends.

My parents insist on paying when we go out to dinner, which is a problem for me. How can I get them to let me cover the check?

“Parents will always be parents, regardless of what age their children are,” Godfrey says. And sometimes that can clash with your attempts to cover the check (whether you want to assert your independence or just feel like treating). This dilemma cannot be solved over dinner (or by a long argument when the check arrives), so try to sidestep it. Pay the bill early, by discreetly passing your credit card to the maître d’ or waiter as you come in. “Often it’s the parents who are most adamant about paying who are the most delighted when you find a graceful way to cover the bill,” Heitler says.

I’m expecting an inheritance from my parents, but I could use the money now to buy a first home. Is there a tactful way to ask for it early? Does this make financial sense?

It might make sense for you, but not necessarily for your parents or for your siblings, deBoer says. There’s no way of knowing if your folks will need their money for an emergency or for catastrophic or long-term care when they get older. And how do you think your brother or sister will feel if, for some reason, your parents’ estate takes a hit, leaving them with a smaller inheritance than the one you already took? “It is presumptuous to expect that kind of help from anybody,” deBoer says.

But if you have no siblings and your parents will not be hindered by digging into their savings now, there are steps you should take to make this proposition less awkward, says Brokamp. First show them how such a deal can make sense for them, too. Ask them where they have most of their money invested. The interest that they’re earning could be less than the interest rate on any home loan you could obtain. Offering them a higher rate of interest (somewhere between what they’re currently earning and what you’d have to pay a bank) makes the offer a better business proposition. Wall made this kind of deal with her father. “I pay only the interest and will never pay back the principal, because that’s my inheritance,” she says. She broached the subject by telling her father that she was buying a house and asking if he would lend her the money. Only after starting the conversation did she suggest that he could make the loan her part of the estate.