Everyone knows someone like her: She's in charge of the entrée at the potluck dinner and breezes in when everyone else is leaving. She's chronically late and utterly oblivious. While you don't want to come across as a stickler or a nag, you would like others to play by the rules when it affects your daily life (and special-event planning). Try these tactics for motivating clueless and careless people.

Nudging Someone Who Hasn’t RVSP’d

If the response date has passed (often three weeks before a wedding, for example), you can pick up the phone, says wedding planner Mindy Weiss. Most likely, before you even begin to ask whether or not the person is coming, a little bell (that was inexplicably soundless before) will go off in her head, prompting her to blurt out her plans. You can also follow up with an e-mail. Remember: If anyone is tallying etiquette demerits, failing to RSVP is a far worse offense than being "pushy" by fishing for an answer.

Following Up on an Unanswered Call or E-mail

"Issuing an ultimatum to take some action if you don't hear back from them often does the trick," etiquette columnist Millie Downing says. Try something like "Jane, I've called several times and not heard back. Just wanted you to know that we're meeting to select the color for the bridesmaid dresses. Hope you'll like what we decide on." Via e-mail, send a reminder note that has an easy-to-answer and punchy subject line, like "Tennis Saturday, yes or no?"

Asking for the Return of a Borrowed Item

"It seems our most treasured or needed items borrowed take the longest route home," Downing says. Call and ask the borrower to return the item. "Direct is not rude — it's just direct," Downing says. If that gets no response, you may resort to making up a reason you need the item back (perhaps because someone else has asked to borrow it).

Finding Out If Someone Has Received a Gift

Simply call or e-mail and say, "I haven't heard from you, so I just wanted to make sure that the jade bowls I sent you arrived," etiquette author Peggy Post advises. It is entirely possible that a gift or its subsequent thank-you note got lost in the mail, so treat this situation as a logistical matter as opposed to an etiquette error.