What if I’m the one who’s made the faux pas—used someone else’s bread plate, dropped food, or tried to consume a paper product? Do I apologize or just pretend nothing happened?

If your fumble was subtle and did not harm another person, his clothing, or his possessions — something fell out of your mouth and back onto your plate, for instance — move on as if nothing has happened, says Post. If some errant morsel slipped onto the table, discreetly pick it up with your knife and return it to your plate. (If you spill a drink or break something in a restaurant, discreetly signal a server for help.) The aim is to avoid distracting others from their meals or drawing attention to yourself. But if you spill soup on someone, hand her a napkin, apologize profusely, and pay for the necessary dry cleaning, says Grimes. Also offer to pay for the cleaning if you’ve spilled red wine on your host’s tablecloth (that conversation should take place in private, after the meal). “If she refuses — and she should — it is nice to send a special gift,” Post says. Consider a new tablecloth or a bottle of wine, with a note of apology. Among friends, minor goof-ups can help release tension, especially if followed by a one-liner, says Grimes. Say you’ve ordered fish en papillote (baked in paper), mistaken the paper for phyllo, and made an embarrassing attempt to eat it. Recover with a joke: “For parchment paper, this is quite good.” And remember: Friends don’t let friends eat with food on their noses. If you spot a speck on a fellow diner’s face (or in her teeth), Post suggests subtly calling her attention to it. Try “Oops, there’s something on your chin” if you’re alone, or use sign language, tapping your index finger on your own nose, chin, or teeth until she gets the hint.