Please choose from the following options: Press 1 for services that you don't need. Press 2 to be ignored or completely forgotten. Press 3 if you'd like to wring my virtual neck.

If you've called a corporate 800 number in the last 15 years or so, you've probably had your share of trying encounters with so-called "automated attendant" call-routing systems. Introduced in the 1980s, these systems had become ubiquitous by the early 1990s because they offered businesses both cost savings and, according to the companies, customer-service benefits Callers, though, quickly came to hate these phone-bots — nearly as much as they hated being put on hold. Even Gordon Matthews, the man who invented voice mail in 1979, laying the foundation for all the automated systems that followed, hated the automated attendant, calling it "voice-mail jail."

Here's a few secrets to crack the customer-service code — and avoid cracking up.

Feel it out first. Don't hit 0 right away, hoping to get transferred to an operator. In many cases, this will just backfire. Try working with the menu of options to see if you can get the specific help you need that way. If you hit a dead end, then try 0, or hang up and redial.

Be prepared. If you call a firm frequently, take note of the menu choices that lead where you want to go, so the next time you can enter them without having to listen to every instruction.

Don't go too fast. Even if you know the sequence of four or five buttons that you want, you usually can't press them all in a row. Press your choice, wait to hear the voice begin speaking again, then press the next button.

Don't choke. When you're dealing with a system that recognizes spoken requests, be aware that any sound you make, such as coughing or clearing your throat, can be interpreted as a response and trigger an "I didn't understand."

Stay calm. "Keep in mind that companies want your business," says Susan Ruiz, a designer of automated-attendant systems at Salient Networks, a San Diego telecommunications company. "In almost all cases, they are trying to make things better. They may not always be successful, but they aren't trying to make it difficult for you." She also points out that even though entering account numbers and PINs may seem like a lot of work, it's also in your best interest, because it ensures that unauthorized people can't get access to your information.