How can I be an advocate for a family member without offending the hospital staff? What’s the best way to express any concerns about her quality of care?

If there are lots of family members visiting at different times, you can avoid confusion for everyone — including the doctors and nurses — by appointing one family member as spokesperson. That way doctors won’t have to repeat themselves or give seemingly conflicting information, and family members won’t have to piece together the big picture from the impressions of many individuals. Jeanne Huddleston, M.D., director of inpatient internal medicine at the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, Minnesota, suggests keeping a journal at the patient’s bedside to keep track of what has happened, what questions have been answered, and what questions still need to be asked when the doctor or nurse returns.

If there are concerns about the quality of care, “don’t be afraid to stand up for the patient,” says Kate Strooband, an obstetrics nurse in Eugene, Oregon. That said, approach the situation diplomatically: Instead of making accusations, ask questions. “We respond really well to lists of questions,” Huddleston says. When there are issues with a particular staff member, bring in a third party: If you’re unhappy with a certain nurse, for instance, there is nothing wrong with asking the head nurse for someone new. If you have a problem with the physician, first try consulting with the nurse, who can help decode confusing doctor talk. If the problems continue, you’ll find that hospitals often have a social worker or a patient advocate who can help you file a complaint, if necessary.