DILEMMA:
A male friend confesses to you that he's cheating on his wife, who also happens to be a good friend of yours. Do you tell her?

DETERMINATION:
"This is one of those issues in which both alternatives are bad," says Daniel Wile, Ph.D., a couples therapist in Oakland, California, and author of After the Fight ($19, www.amazon.com. ). "Breaking the confidence risks interfering — giving the betrayed partner information she may not want. Not breaking the confidence risks failing to give the betrayed partner, your friend, information she desperately needs." Peggy Post suggests urging the friend who confided in you to confide in his spouse: "Why would he tell you in the first place? He may be taking the easy way out by hoping you'll tell her." If he doesn't tell her, then Post recommends giving your girlfriend chances to talk about her marriage, and suggesting she talk to a therapist if things aren't going well. Says Post, "Are you being disloyal to your friend by not telling her? That's hard to say. But I would counter with, Is it going to help for you to be in the middle of it?"