Request: Your future sister-in-law wants to throw you a shower, but you don’t want the fuss.

What you should say: "I really don’t want a party, but thank you so much for offering. Why don’t we splurge on a visit to a day spa instead?”

Why it works: “Not everyone likes a party in her honor or wants to be the center of attention with a paper plate of bows on her head,” say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh. Unless she has her own agenda, she should understand.

Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: “If you decline, you are taking away some pleasure from the people who care about you, but it is your occasion to shout about or be quiet about,” say Izzo and Marsh.

How to avoid the situation in the future: Announce what you would prefer to do instead of a shower before anyone offers to throw one.