"The more calm the adult remains, the faster the child will calm down," says pediatrician Peter A. Gorski, a faculty member at Harvard Medical School and chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics National Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption and Dependent Care. "Go in (to the situation) and offer some control, and talk to the kid in a way that suggests the behavior has to stop, and direct him to more acceptable behavior."

Gorski urges a tone that "respects and protects the child's self-dignity. Humiliation is only going to exacerbate the bad feelings about oneself that cause bad behavior in the first place." Squat down, speak softly, and suggest or show the child something else to do. With the child's parent, present the problem "as a question, so the parent has a chance to help you understand, and so you're not passing moral judgment. Like, 'What's going on with your daughter today?'" (Notice that there's a subtle distinction between that question and the slightly more pejorative "What's up with her?")