Follow these rules and you'll surely be invited for a return visit
Gadge
Setting Things Up
Share your itinerary. Show up and leave exactly when you say you
will. "Never deviate from these plans," says manners expert
Letitia Baldrige, "because your hosts are making plans around you,
for you, and in spite of you." (Also, R.S.V.P. promptly to any
invitation. Don't leave hosts hanging while you wait to hear
Thursday night's five-day forecast.)
Let your hosts know about your other plans. If you've scheduled
mini-jaunts or brunch dates or tennis matches with other friends
in the area, your hosts should be told in advance (and, when
appropriate, invited along).
Gestures
Host gift. Mandatory — whether you bring one, buy one while
you're there (how about that vase she was admiring at the antiques
store?), or send one the week after your return (once you know
what they might like or need — like a grilling basket for the
barbecue). Bring something that's fun to do — a game like Boggle or
Taboo, or a big tote bag full of magazines or paperbacks and a
tube of sunscreen, suggests Ilene Rosenzweig, coauthor with
Cynthia Rowley of Swell: A Girl's Guide to the Good Life (Warner
Books, $17, www.amazon.com). A badminton set provides a built-in activity — one
less thing for your hosts to plan.
Thank-you note. Bringing a gift does not preclude sending a
thank-you note. It should be gracious and handwritten — not
e-mailed — and mention something specific: a comfortable mattress,
a stunning view, the one-pound bag of salt-and-vinegar chips that
you finished off together. Baldrige recommends jotting, "And I
loved your children," even if you didn't. "That will cement the
friendship."
Sticky Situations
Food. The prevailing opinion, vegetarianism notwithstanding, is
to make do. If you have a severe allergy or a heart condition,
just ask the host to alert you if there's something you shouldn't
eat. Baldrige says to "eat around what's there. If the only thing
you can eat on the buffet table is rice, then eat a huge plate of
it. Don't make your hosts feel like short-order cooks."
Schedule. Reveille, mealtimes, and bedtime are determined by
your hosts. Lights out, you hope, will be at your discretion
(though if they retire to their room, so should you, since it's
more courteous to read quietly than subject the entire household
to Howard Stern's TV show). Find out what your hosts' hours are
and then mold your schedule around theirs.
Dress code. Pajamas to breakfast? "I wouldn't," says Rosenzweig.
"Throw on a skirt, a T-shirt, and wear a ponytail. Be ready to run
outside."
Pets. If your allergies kick in around dogs and cats, ask your
hosts before you arrive if they have pets. If they do, spare
everyone the displeasure of your wheezing by gracefully making
other arrangements. And it doesn't matter if you're spending the
weekend at Dr. Doolittle's — never assume your pet is invited.
The phone and the TV. Ask first. Charge calls to a calling card
or your home number. Let the host drive the remote control, even
if she changes the channel with two outs, bases loaded, bottom of
the ninth.
Alcohol and tobacco. Don't deplete your host's stash of Bombay
Sapphire. And if you're a teetotaler who favors the soapbox, don't
visit the Bacardi family. Ask for and follow the house rules about
smoking. (And never smoke out the window — unless you're staying in
juvenile hall.)
