OFTEN HEARD SAYING: "Help! My string beans are touching the gravy!"

THE OFFENSE: Makes it known that nothing is right — or as good as it was in December 1984. Complains about everything from the fork tines to the figgy pudding.

YOUR COURSE OF ACTION: "Most malcontents are not a threat and don't require you to do anything but continue being your usual friendly and polite self," says etiquette consultant Sue Fox. They play the victim role as a way to get attention. Disregard their attempts to get you to share their foul mood, she advises.