So many otherwise smart and terrific women I know are reticent about asking for what they want, whether it’s a new job, a promotion, a raise, a change in behavior from their children or spouse — even a change of location for the family vacation.

Why? Well, they may be afraid of seeming pushy. Or they think they’re not worthy of what they’re asking for. Or they even believe that if they’re really good at something, someone will notice and deliver what they want. But often they don’t ask simply because they don’t know how to go about it. After all, many of us were taught to wait to be asked — whether it was to dance, go on a date, get married, be promoted, or even offer our opinion — not to do the asking.

So it’s time to start asking for what we want. And let’s do it so powerfully and irresistibly that it’s really tough to refuse us. I use these four steps to help my clients. See if they work for you.

Step 1: Believe in your request.

You have to be convinced that you’re absolutely worthy of having your request granted before you do the asking. If your conviction falters, say out loud, “It ought to be me. Why would it be someone else who gets the job/the part in the play/the better seat on that flight?”

A lot of people tell me they’re afraid of coming across as arrogant. You won’t have to worry about that if you remember this: Boldness comes from the strength of your conviction; arrogance comes from a feeling of entitlement. You know the difference, and that will come across when you make your pitch.

Of course, your conviction has to have legs. If it’s a job you’re after, for instance, you have to be sure you’re prepared to make a success of it. In other words, don’t ask for something just because it’s there. You have to be able to follow through. Think of your conviction as the foundation for your request. When your belief is unshakable, your pitch becomes truly powerful.