Step 2: Assign completion dates.

Now brace yourself. This is where the rubber meets the road. Go back to your list of incompletions and, in the margin, assign a “completion date” to each thing on your list, using these symbols:

N, for “Now.” And that really means now — as in, pick up the phone. My clients usually have a lot of N’s, especially under “Things I never said.”

L, for “Later.” But you have to say when, so put down a date. The date shouldn’t make you feel too pressured but shouldn’t be too far off, either. The Enchanted April gal put down “April 2009” for her magical trip.

C, for “Complete.” This is a terrific category. There will be things that you can declare “complete” right this minute, either because you’ve decided to just let them go and get over them or because you can do them in an instant. For example, Brenda put C in the column next to where she had written, “I want to tell myself I’m a really good pianist.” She completed it. Over and out.

NTL. This is my favorite category. It means “not in this lifetime.” For example, you might put NTL next to “become a contestant on Survivor.” Or you might not.

Step 3: Start crossing things off.

Now, you’re in charge of this list; it’s not in charge of you. That’s why I always start Step 3 by crossing off my NTL’s — the stuff I’m just never going to get to and no longer give a rip about. (Boy, is that freeing!) Try to check your list every week. Cross off the things you’re “done with” and celebrate. Tell someone what you’ve done and how good you feel about it. Add new incompletions as they pop up. And remember — your list is a work in progress, just like you are.

Neither Kelly nor Brenda nor Iris — nor any of the other women who have ever done this exercise, for that matter — are in a state of total completion. It’s impossible. We’re human, after all. But Kelly did go out for a coffee with her ex-husband and got some stuff off her chest — and just a couple of weeks later went on a blind date. Iris put her hand up to manage what could be a breakthrough project for her company. And Brenda has signed on to play in a concert in May. And guess what? She plans to play that same concerto. But what’s really important is that they’ve all developed “the completion habit.” And that powerful new habit has allowed them to focus their attention on embracing the present, rather than being sucked back into an incomplete past. You can develop that habit, too. Start right here with the worksheet on the following page.

Oh, and by the way, I’ve signed up for chess lessons. But much to the relief of my family, I put NTL next to “learn to belly dance.”