Rules of the Game

Deciding from the beginning that divorce is not an option. Honesty then becomes not only the best policy but the only policy. When you’ve committed yourself wholly from the beginning, there is no fear of that person leaving you, and you both open up. You remember why you married him, why you love him, and why you want to adapt to new ways of doing things…because if you don’t, you’ve only made your own life unhappy. Marriage is a choice, and I think the problem with a lot of marriages these days is that people enter into this holy union thinking, “I can always leave,” instead of, “This is forever, and I am strong enough and capable enough to make this work.”
Alexis Price
Olathe, Kansas

Share. Share the same values and belief systems. Share your time. Share little stories from your day. Share jobs around the home. Share your love willingly; don’t be stingy with it. And remember, love is an emotion, not a word. It’s what you do, show, and feel every day of your life together that counts — not just what you mumble at the end of a hurried phone conversation.
Randi Taggart
Montpelier, Virginia

Keep short accounts, meaning that if your spouse says or does something that bothers you or hurts your feelings, decide how important it is to resolve the situation. If it’s causing a rift, sit with it for 24 hours, then talk about it. If you decide not to bring it up, forgive and forget — move on and don’t hold it against him.
Amy Hulme
Richardson, Texas

For our wedding shower, a friend gave us a jar labeled “Marriage Advice.” We set it out during our reception, along with some pens and paper. The sweetest and probably most valuable advice we received was: “The secret to a happy marriage is not falling out of love at the same time.”
Ami Rouse
Kansas City, Missouri

I have only been married a short time — three years — but my husband and I have found that the very heart of our marriage is trust. Central to forming trust for us has been becoming trustworthy. We have started this within ourselves, as opposed to demanding trust from one another. When I am honest, listening to my husband’s needs and responding with sincere empathy, he sees that he can trust me with his deepest insecurities, and I him. This is a conscious way of living, and we have many miles on the journey to practice.
Janie Colvinson
Winnipeg, Manitoba

It’s pretty simple: Marry your best friend and appreciate your time together. My husband and I drink Champagne every Sunday afternoon and do something fun together — maybe cook a great meal, or even rake leaves. We are toasting to our great marriage and appreciating one another and that time spent together. It’s precious.
Nicole Lane
Chicago, Illinois

Forgiveness. And not just about the big stuff, but about everyday annoyances that creep up and in and make you want to pop — or worse, use it against him the next time he makes you crazy.
Colleen McKenna Slavin
Baltimore, Maryland

My husband and I have been leading engaged couples through marriage-preparation classes at our church for eight years, and the one thing we have learned is that every couple has a secret for a happy marriage that works for them. We advise young couples to discover early in their marriage what that is for them (unconditional support, laughing, spending time alone, date night, doing the little things, etc.) and to focus on that for a lifetime of happy togetherness.
Catherine Kolkoski
Kansas City, Missouri